Page 79 of Unexpected Redemption

Nothing will ever be the same after tonight.

I’ve claimed every inch of her, same as she’s done to me. She’s carrying our baby. Even if the DNA ends up not matching, it doesn’t matter to me. We’re forever connected—heart, mind, and soul.

And I’ll never let anything come between us.

She is my forever.

Chapter 16

The message

LETTIE

I’ve known I’m going to be a mother for a week. I’m slowly coming to terms with it.

Don’t listen to me. That’s a lie.

I was trying to play it cool with you. But in truth, I’m flabbergasted in thebestway. Surprisingly, I’m thrilled at the idea of becoming a mother. Is the timing great? Not so much. Yet I don’t give a flip.

The day after I took the test, I had atinybreakdown in a bathroom stall here at work. Honestly, is there a better place to have a breakdown? All the angst and worry got to me, resulting in a spectacular emotional explosion. Much like it did the night of the no-condom mishap. My negative thoughts were so loud I had to run into the bathroom and just cry to get out the crippling emotions.

Mostly, it was fear.

Fear of being judged or going to Hell for getting pregnant out of wedlock. Fear of telling my friends and, eventually, tellingMama. Fear of what people at Redleg will think. Don’t get me started on how terrified I am of the actual delivery.

But the kicker is the fear of being no better than my mother.

The real one.

After my cathartic release, I got to thinking. It struck me like lightning hownothingabout my pregnancy is the same as my birth mother’s other than being unwed.

I’m in love with Tomer, and he’s in love with me. This isn’t some casual fling or meaningless sex. I’m not watching my soldier board a plane to fly to parts unknown. He’s right down the freaking hall. We’re living together. Both employed—sort of. He’s financially stable. And we both want to be parents to this little blessing.

So why be upset? Things could be much,muchworse.

I might not have the ring on my finger, but that’s temporary. I have the metaphorical ring around my neck, which is as meaningful to us. Plus, even if I am unmarried, so what? I left Climax and the church for a reason. I escaped Mama’s influence for the same reason. I want to be free from misguided beliefs and small-minded, antiquated thinking. And I refuse to let Mama’s viewpoints wreck my ability to feel joy at bringing a life into the world with the man I love.

Every time I start to feel stressed about the pregnancy—even just a twinge of discomfort—I remember how he dropped to his knees and kissed my belly. He’s already in love with the baby. He’ll be the best father. And it makes me so happy to give him this gift. How could I regret that even for one second?

Tomer and I haven’t told a soul, aside from a receptionist at the doctor’s office when we called to make an appointment. We do have a bit of a situation regarding my health insurance. Since I haven’t been back to Bask, they put me on a leave of absence. If I don’t return in thirty days, they’ll likely terminate my employment, and I’ll lose my health coverage.

Tomer’s not worried about it, so I guess I won’t either.

Except,of course,I’ll worry.

Later.

Right now, I have work to do. Boss Dad should be in at any moment, and he always has stuff for me to do at the start of each day.Peggy was right about him coming in with a list of tasks and then later thanking me once the day settles for him.

It’s a bit odd that we haven’t spoken much more about the whole...father-daughter thing,aside from that first day. I’m unsure what to make of it. And to further complicate an already awkward relationship with him, I’ll soon have to tell him I’m pregnant.

Congrats, you’re a dad. And double-congrats, you’re a grandpa.

Talk about a lot to throw on a guy in a short time.Oof.

Fortunately, I have loads of other shit to worry about. No time to obsess over how all this will shake out.

I’m clearing out my email when I get a private chat request from my love.

---