Page 30 of Tattletale

I really hope the bastard is smug enough to think he’s untouchable. I can’t wait to wipe the cocky smile off his face. I would’ve contemplated putting a bullet in my own head after ending Luca. It would save Vesper the trouble. But then Lance…

Lance and his stupid declaration of love. He gave me a taste of a happily ever after, and now the stakes are so much higher. If Vesper doesn’t forgive me, I may become a fugitive. Lance might have to run away with me.

“Would do you think, little cricket? If it came down to it, would Lance choose me? Or PALADIN?”

The cricket’s chirping grows quiet as the rain really begins to pour. I pull up my hood, shielding the bun on top of my head. I was careful to put my hair up. It’s one of the first things a man will grab when he’s attacking a woman—her hair or throat. In case this gets messy, it’s best not to give them an easy target.

I check the analog watch on my wrist. It’s 10:55 p.m. His flight was set for 10:03. I wonder what the delay is. Or if possibly my watch got off track. It’s solar-powered, and there’s obviously no sun in sight. I wish I had a phone, but I couldn’t risk giving off a signal.

“It’s probably just the weather,” I say to the cricket, who begins to chirp again. “I bet they’re circling until the clouds clear.”

Good grief, I’m talking to a cricket…

It’s not the first time. Certainly, won’t be the last. I’ve confided many a time to the wind, trees, sea, and the creatures that inhabit them. Who else will really let me speak and hear me?

“You know, I said I wanted to murder him in front of his daughters. But would that just create more monsters?”

The cricket grows silent suddenly.

“You think I’m evil, don’t you?” I ask.

It chirps again…just once. Like a warning. I wonder if it can sense the danger before it lands.

“Maybe I am,” I continue. “I don’t want to be…but maybe I am.”

Perhaps pride is a curse, and the craving for retribution is a disease. If I wasn’t an O’Leary, maybe I could mourn my family and move on. I’d find solace in the so-called good I’ve done with PALADIN. How many evil men can no longer do evil things because of me? There are thousands of women out there who have probably lived through similar trauma.

How many of them become murderous beasts? And in contrast, how many of them find a way to forgive and move on? I bet some women are able to forgive themselves for being unable to save their families…unable to save themselves. Maybe they even forgive their assailants for their brutality and pray for their souls. I wish I knew how to do that because my grief and anger combined are a confusing cocktail, growing more potent with time. It’s driven me to the brink of senselessness. I know that I’m throwing away the only family I have by killing Luca. But I’m shackled by my rage.

They say forgiveness sets you free… But I don’t want freedom.I want revenge.

However, here I am, worried about his little girls. I don’t want to scar them the way I was scarred.Maybe I shouldn’t do it like this… Perhaps I really am out of control…

“I wonder how old his daughters are,” I muse out loud.

Wait.

I hear a footstep, and simultaneously, the cricket leaps with great gusto away from the light.

Before I can react, something snatches my hood back, and a leather glove wraps around my mouth from behind. My grunt is muffled as I feel a sharp stab right above my collarbone.

My assailant steps backward, leaving the long needle still wedged in my neck. Ignoring the searing pain, I clench my fist around the needle’s handle. Yanking hard, I pull it out in one swift motion. I examine the metal instrument in my hand…it looks medical.

Shit. Poison?How long do I have?

I turn to face my potential killer. In case I black out, I want to know who was skilled enough to sneak up on me.

“Seven and six to answer your question,” Vesper says. She’s dressed in all black, blending in with the night. “And completely innocent. They have no idea who their father is and what he does. His wife, Alegra, is also none the wiser.”

My stomach sinks as I stare into Vesper’s dark eyes. The pouring rain clouds my vision, but I can still see her fury, clear as fucking day. All I can muster out is, “You…Why?”

Vesper shakes her head. “You’ve lost your damn mind, Cricket. Your obsession with Luca is clouding your better judgment. What do you think will come of his death? I’ve told you for years you have to be strong enough to let this go. We don’t kill for our own purposes. It’s the only thing that separatesusfromthem.And I did not save you just to turn you into a monster.”

I drop the metal needle, hearing it clank on the ground. I touch my collarbone, where the pain is still searing. My fingertips are covered in blood before the rain quickly washes it away. The needle was so thick, this wound won’t close quickly.

“You put me in an impossible situation,” Vesper hisses. “How can I trust you after this?”

“What poison?” I ask. “How long do I have?” All I can think of is getting a message to Lance. I have to apologize. He warned me Vesper would find out… He warned me it’d be the end of me. And now I’m going to leave him on this earth, brokenhearted. We’ll never have our chance at happily ever after.

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