Page 55 of The Gargoyle and the Songbird

We settle into a corner booth at Orc’s Anvil, shucking our winter layers. The worn wooden table is layered with rings from hundreds of past patrons’ drinks.

The taproom is half-empty, but not as empty as I would have expected at this early hour. Many of the townspeople seem to be taking the snowstorm as an excuse to act like it’s a holiday, and I see a few other pints on tables. In a corner sits a lively circle of teachers I recognize from my high school days, all playing a riotous card game.

Graeme takes up a post nearby, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, close enough to intervene if needed but far enough to give us a semblance of privacy.

Our beers arrive, and Deandra fidgets with her drink, her usually confident demeanor replaced by an uncharacteristic nervousness. Her fingers tremble slightly as she raises the glass to her lips, taking a fortifying sip before meeting my gaze.

“Ecco, I...” she begins. “I want to apologize. For so, so many things.”

The words come out in a rush, as if she’s been holding them back for years and they’re finally overflowing, unable to be contained any longer.

“I’m ashamed that I wasn’t there for you during your teen years,” Deandra continues, her eyes locked on mine. “When your father and I divorced, when I left... I was in a bad place. I was so deeply unhappy, Ecco.”

She takes a deep breath, her gaze darting down to her beer. Then she purses her lips, clearly considering what she wants to say. She nods to herself and looks back up to me.

“I hope you never know what this feels like, sweetheart, but I was in a deep depression for years. By the time Joran and I separated, I felt like I was sleepwalking through my own life. The only way I could figure out how to regain control was to burn it all down and start fresh.”

I sit in stunned silence, my heart hammering as I try to process this.

Deandra pauses, her voice cracking with emotion. “I deeply regret the way I handled it. I wasn’t thinking about all the people I would hurt in my quest to fix myself. And I never could’ve imagined the deep scars I’d create in our relationship.”

My eyes widen as I listen to her confession. I’d always assumed Deandra left because she wanted to have more fun—to flirt and manipulate, and not be tied down.

She’s never told me any of this.

I’ve been so focused on the way she mademefeel during those years, that I’d never stopped to think about what she might have been going through. It was much easier to protect my heart by casting my mother as a villain in the story.

Deandra reaches across the table, her hand hovering hesitantly over mine. “I know I haven’t been the mother you deserved. I’ve been so caught up in my own problems that I’ve neglected the most important things in my life.”

Her voice cracks, tears spilling down her cheeks.

I swallow hard, my throat tight, a storm of conflicting emotions rage in my chest: shock, anger, confusion, regret.

My mother is a master manipulator of emotion. Is that what’s happening now?

“Why tell me this now?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper. “What’s changed?”

I search her face, trying to gauge the sincerity behind her words.

And for the first time in my life, I think I’m seeing my mother stripped of all pretenses, all masks. Her usual manipulation is gone, and instead all I see is earnestness, honesty.

Deandra takes a shuddering breath, her gaze dropping to the table. “I’ve been watching you, Ecco. The way you’ve grown, the way you’ve come into your own. And I realized that…that your perception of me and of the powers we share is holding you back.”

My breath catches in my throat. She’s at least partly right.

I’ve been so afraid of turning into her, of using my siren powers for my own gain, that I’ve never truly embraced them, instead fighting for constant control.

“You’re afraid to use your powers to their full extent because you think I’ve used my own irresponsibly,” Deandra continues, her words echoing my thoughts. “But breaking off on my own, learning the true depths of my powers—it liberated me, it saved me in a moment where I wasn’t sure if I was going to survive. It brought me back to myself.”

Deandra lays a hand over mine and for once I don’t flinch from her touch.

“There are more to siren powers than just seduction, Ecco,” she says, imploring.

Her words strike a chord within me, and something shifts, a tiny crack in the armor I’ve built around my heart. Around the kernel of power deep inside me.

Deandra leans forward, her expression fierce. “Don’t let your fear of ending up like me stop you from exploring everything you’re capable of. You have a gift, Ecco. A unique and beautiful magic that’s all your own. You should embrace it.”

I sit back, my mind reeling at her words.

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