Page 100 of Rum Sips and Salty Lips

“We’ll have to tell them eventually.” I’m tired of this game with her. I know how I feel about this relationship. And I have no problem letting everyone know. I got it when we were sneaking around, trying to figure out if there was something between us. Now we both know we have something special. Something to fight for.

It’s more than hooking up. It’s more than a fling.

“Why? It doesn’t matter,” she says to the window, her shoulder rising and falling in her denial.

It feels like a gut punch. “It matters to me. Do you want to keep this a secret forever?”

She finally turns to me. “Forever?”

I mean forever with her. “Maybe, yeah, Carina. I’m in this relationship. It’s not a dirty secret or a fling. It’s real. What am I to you?”

“You can’t mean that.” Her head tilts to the side in total disbelief. As if it clearly never occurred to her that she matters to me.

“Yes, I do.”

“Oh come on, Orion. You’re only with me because I’m here and you’re there and you convinced me to sleep with you,” she says.

My blood boils. She’s being destructive, and I don’t know how to stop it. She knows she’s started this—I didn’t convince her of anything; this has been on her terms. I would throw myself on fire for her. And I don’t know how she doesn’t see that. I haven’t said more because I’m afraid of scaring her off, but I’ve been as clear as I can be with her.

“No, Carina. I’m sleeping with you because I want to be with you.” I step toward her. The space of the kitchen feels much smaller than it is. I want to brace my hands on either side of her. Feel her heat rolling off her body. But I can’t trap her in right now. She needs to choose this. To choose us.

“Fine, okay, you want to be with me. But it won’t last. You’ll change your mind.”

“I won’t.”

“You always have before.”

I take a few deep breaths. I won’t get angry or yell because that won’t help either of us. “I’ve changed. I feel differently about you than I have about anyone else. I’m not going to change my mind about us. We have something good here. Something beautiful. I won’t let you destroy it because you’re afraid.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know any of that? You’ve never said anything. And half of what you say to me is a lie anyway.”

A chill runs through my entire body. She can make this argument if she really wants to. We’ve both been exaggerating annoyances and inventing grievances for months.

She could be doing that now. Maybe this is a game. Maybe she’s pushing me to see how far I’ll go. I search her face for some hint she’s about to burst out laughing.“Gotcha, Orion! Let’s go take a shower. I need to get Beckett’s sleaze off me.”But she’sstill and serious, like she’s never messed around in her entire life.

I know how this ends. I don’t know how to make it stop.

I down my glass of wine before I speak again. “Carina, I should have told you how I feel about you before, but I was so scared you’d run if things got intense. If you knew how serious I am. You said you only do flings. I didn’t know you wanted more. But I care about you. I want to be with you. For as long as I can. You know I’m telling the truth about this. This isn’t a game to me, Carina.”

She shakes her head. “You’ve been playing games with me from the start. From having a drink on your boat. To complaining about my hedges. To who can fucking orgasm first. This is a game to you, and sooner or later you’ll get bored and sail away. I won’t be left standing on a beach with nothing but wasted time.”

Her face is set. She doesn’t move away from me, even though I’ve stepped closer. She’s holding her ground. Firm and planted. She doesn’t fidget. She doesn’t look away. She knows exactly what she’s doing, and she won’t back down.

“You were with me every step of the way. You were in on every game. You know when I’m telling the truth and when I’m lying for the sake of an argument. Don’t do this, Carina.” I repeat her name like I’m a hostage negotiator. “I’ve told you a million times I’m here to stay. Wendell Beach is my home. I’m not leaving at the end of winter or on a whim.”

She told me I came into her life like a storm. That I’m the one who upended everything. I don’t know how she doesn’t realize she has always been in control. She is my home. And if I lose her, I’ll be adrift.

“I’m not doing anything. I’m staying on this island. You’re the one who’s leaving.” She moves, shifting away from me, likeshe’s done with this conversation and she’s ready to go about her day without me in it.

I want to reach for her and touch her. But I’m back to the beginning with her—I want her but I can’t get near her.

“You are everything I want.” I should tell her how I feel. Get it out there and then she won’t doubt me. Won’t doubt the connection we have. “I love you.”

She looks at me. The full force of her gray eyes on me. Her face is passive. This is the cold woman Beckett and Hamilton know. “Don’t bait me, Orion. It won’t work anymore.”

I’ve never doubted my feelings for Carina. I’ve always known she was different from past relationships. But now I have irrefutable proof. The end has never hurt like this. I’m blown back and blown away and blown apart. There is no win for me in this argument. Not when her level of trust is so low. She feels something. I’m not wrong about that. But I was right to be afraid of being honest with her. “I don’t know who’s hurt you before, but you don’t have to do this, Carina. You don’t have to throw us away.”

“There isn’t anything to throw away. It’s a fling. Never meant to last. No feelings involved.”

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