ORION
She ignoresme for a week after the kiss on the beach. She’s re-finding her equilibrium, and I understand that even if it annoys the fuck out of me. She doesn’t realize how quickly she’s become the center of my everything. The way she’s depriving me of her presence makes me feel like I’m collapsing in on myself.
We had a problem with the catamaran today—the engine wouldn’t start. It was a fucking nightmare to explain to the clients that yes, sailboats have engines and no, we couldn’t leave the dock without it. It’s technically possible, but it’s much more difficult to get in and out of the marina with just the wind. I can do it, of course, but the wind can change at any moment and it’s not worth it for a charter. I booked the group with another company. That didn’t save me from a woman yelling at me for thirty minutes about how I ruined her vacation.
I sprawl on my couch because I don’t want to move, don’t want to think. The doorbell rings. Instead of answering it, I open the app on my phone to see who it is. It’s Carina. I shouldn’t be surprised. I still don’t want to get off the couch but she’s theonly person I would for. I’m tempted to text her the code. In the future, if I go out of town for a few days, I’ll give it to her so she can watch the place. She wouldn’t overwater the little orange tree.
“Fuck,” I say, getting up.
She blows past me into my kitchen before I say anything. I take in her outfit—loose joggers and my favorite cardigan. She was probably working from home.
“Your hedges are overgrown,” she declares.
They’re not. But that isn’t the point. I’m too tired to fight. Some days it gives me life and energy. Today I don’t want this.
I just want her.
But I’ll play along because it’s what she wants. “As long as they’re on my side of the property line, then it’s not your problem.” If I give this to her, she’ll realize she needs to let me in. I’m sure Carina would love it if I told her I could solve her problems.
“They’re putting pressure on the fence and the fence is mine.”
“What would you like me to do about it, princess?”
Her eyes flicker. I hope she can tell my heart isn’t in this today. I hope she’ll back down.
“I would like for you to give a shit about your property.”
That’s not backing down. She knows what this house means to me. She’s out for blood today, and I can’t give it to her the way she wants it. “I’d like for you to stop assuming the world revolves around you and that everyone will drop everything to do your bidding.”
“I don’t think that,” she says.
“You don’t? It’s always about what you want. Your fence. Your quiet time. Your rules for whatever the fuck we’re doing.” A part of me is angry. I’m annoyed at how much I depend on her, and I can’t have her the way I want her.
She’s staring at me as if trying to figure out if I’m saying the truth or if I’m fake fighting with her. “I wouldn’t need to be on your case if you weren’t so selfish all the time.”
I don’t know what she’s talking about anymore. I don’t want to play games. Fuck it. I’ll tell her what I really want. I run my hands through my hair. I’ll give her what I think she needs.
“I’m not fighting with you today. You can either get naked in my bed and wait for me to have the energy to fuck this attitude out of you or we can go out on the boat for a relaxing sail. Those are your options if you want to involve me.”
She freezes.
The boat is filled with memories of us fucking so it’s not safe anyway.
“Well. What’s your answer?” I command. She could walk away. I’m prepared for her to walk away.
“The boat.”
“Fine, give me thirty minutes. Bring food since we’ll be out over dinner.” I’m disappointed. I want her in my bed. Even if we didn’t have sex. I want her there.
She nods and turns away before saying anything else.
Exactly thirty minutes later, Carina reappears in my driveway in shorts and a tank top, holding a small cooler. “I hope sandwiches are okay,” she says.
“Perfect.” The buzzing in my chest won’t go away until I’m on the boat.
Does she realize my bad mood isn’t her? That I’ve had a terrible day and I’m letting her see my full range of emotions, something she isn’t aware is an option for herself. I open the garage door and unlock my car. We don’t speak as she puts the cooler in the back and slides into the passenger seat.
As we’re waiting for the light at the top of our neighborhood, I feel the tension radiating off her. “I’m not mad at you,” I say.