Page 91 of Rum Sips and Salty Lips

The buck stops with me. I take responsibility for what happened. I don’t have a problem with that. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be angry about it.

I hate that my friends already know. Everyone has texted me. Telling me they believe in me and there is some rational reason other than my incompetence, negligence, or malfeasance.

I should feel grateful for their continued support. But I’m expecting it to fall apart soon.

And then there’s Orion.

He showed up in exactly the way I needed him to. He brought me food and didn’t question anything. He trusted my explanation and didn’t attempt to explain how I should have seen this in hindsight.

The rest of my friends feel the same way. They’re asking what they can do and what I need. They are trying to help, but there is something about them knowing that gets under my skin.

I want this to happen in private. I want to suffer in quiet. But that’s not an option.

This was supposed to be my legacy. I wanted to leave the world a better place than I found it. I meant everything I said to Orion about why I started Nebula Athletics.

Now it feels like everything is gone.

I endured a lecture from my father on my profits and everything we can do to recover from this. How I should pivot to a different clientele, one that isn’t paying attention to the scandal and doesn’t care.

That’s not what I want to do.

Everyone keeps asking me what I want. I’m ashamed Orion’s offer looks tempting—I want to rest in his arms and sail off into the sunset. We can get far enough away that we don’t have cell service or internet and the world can forget about me. I’ll come back rested and sated and everyone else will have moved on.

What I don’t tell anyone is I’m terrified most of Orion.

I appreciate all he has done and know he cares about me. But there will come a time in the future when he gets tired of dealing with my drama and he’ll leave. He’ll sail away without me. I’ve always known this, but he’s determined to convince me he’ll always come home to Wendell Beach, even as he is constantly talking about some place he’d love to visit or a sailing destination he’d love to return to.

I used to think him coming home would be the worst outcome. That I’d be forced to see him live his life without me. But it would be much worse if he left and never returned. To think I drove him out of town.

I wouldn’t blame him. I’d leave this mess too if I could.

He’s waiting for me on my front step when I get home. It’s late. The sun has long set. He looks exhausted.

He stands. I press myself into his chest to burrow in there. He places his arms on my waist and lets me be consumed by him.

Here, I feel calm. Here, I feel centered.

But I know the truth.

This is the eye of the storm. The worst is still to come.

thirty-six

ORION

I didn’t likethe idea of having the bachelor party on my boat when it was proposed, but I thought I might grow into it. Maybe I’d get to know Beckett and wouldn’t mind so much. It worked with Carina. Maybe I’d settle into the house and I wouldn’t feel like the boat is the only place I call home. Having others on it wouldn’t feel like such an invasion.

I still think he’s a tool. But a tool Christian and Alex can keep in line, no matter how drunk he gets. TheTwisted Riggingisn’t just my space anymore. It’s the space I share with Carina. I don’t want her manipulative ex-boyfriend anywhere near it. But I don’t have a choice since he’s in the wedding party and was frat brothers with Beckett.

The women left earlier for Miami to go clubbing. I’m jealous of every man Carina dances with, even as I trust her completely. I wish she was in my bed at the end of each night. She’s a part of every new memory I make, even when she’s not around. I wish I knew it was the same for her. But more than my selfish needs, I hope she gets time away from her problems.

I’d tried to convince her to let me tag along and hide in her hotel room. She laughed and informed me girls’ trips have strict rules and she would never break them. I didn’t care about the disappointment I felt because she was laughing again.

We push off the dock right before noon. Beckett didn’t want an early start, knowing the party would last late into the night. He has big plans for this sail, and then is heading to Wendell Beach Rum Works before hitting up as many bars on the island as he can before they close for the night.

To be honest, I’m surprised they didn’t go to Tampa. It has more than enough strip clubs for them to get lost in. And selfishly, then they wouldn’t be my problem. But his family is one of the largest employers on the island and a pillar of the economy, so he gets special treatment anywhere he goes. All he needs to do is flash his smile and tell everyone his name.

I should give Beckett more of a chance. I should give him the benefit of the doubt if for no other reason than Sienna loves him and Carina cares for her.

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