Page 94 of Love Under Snowfall

“Here.” He reached into his pocket and handed her a little white business card.

“Let me guess, subtle coloring, tasteful thickness? Has a watermark, perhaps?”

He chuckled, and the sound was like warmed maple syrup. “Does that make me Patrick Bateman?”

“Might as well be.”

“Read it,” he urged, pressing the bit of card stock into her palm.

She sighed and scanned the words.

The Family Law Offices of

Benjamin Clark, Esq.

Attorney & Counselor at Law

Frankie shrugged. “So, what is this supposed to mean? You left NWU and got a new job? Neat. Good for you.”

“Francesca,” he said as he accepted the card back and replaced it in his pocket. “This is because of you.”

“I’m not following.”

“After my mother died, I left divorce law behind. It broke me knowing I was helping men like my father get away with destroying the lives of their spouses. So, I redirected my efforts and began teaching, all under the guise of creating quality lawyers who would do some good someday. To offset the damage I’d done.”

“You told me all of this in the cabin.” She shifted from footto foot, feeling antsy and ready for the interaction to end. She didn’t understand what any of this had to do with her. He’d been crystal clear about his intentions. Looking toward the trail, she considered how fast she’d be able to tromp out of reach, but knowing Benjamin, he’d figure out a way to outrun her.

“You’re right,” he said, tracking her twitchy eyes as they mapped out an escape route. “Please don’t bolt. If you want to leave, I won’t stop you, but please let me explain something.”

The bitter part of her, the part that resented him for dipping out on her twice immediately following sex, wanted to make him feel the same way she had. She longed for him to know how blatant rejection like that felt. But the other part of her, curious and foolish as it may be, needed to hear his explanation. If nothing else, perhaps listening to him would provide something she’d been grasping at for months: closure.

Chapter fifty

Benjamin

“Fine. Out with it.” Frankie’s arms recrossed over her chest. Standing there with her hip popped, Benjamin knew he had a limited amount of time. Perfect; he could work with a ticking clock because, if nothing else, she was listening.

“Sharing your—for lack of a better term—origin story made me see how unbelievably strong you are. You were dealt an awful hand early on. Juggled from one home to another, landing in a hellhole with the devil’s minions to watch over you. And after all that, you maintained your empathy. There isn’t a hint of bitterness, nothing that leads me to believe you would trade your situation for anyone else’s. Instead, you plan to use your experiences to help others in similar scenarios. You, Francesca, are going out of your way to make the world a better place, and there is no limit to the impact you’ll be able to make in the lives of so many children.”

She squirmed uncomfortably and chewed on her bottom lip as though the analysis of her struck a tender chord. She cleared her throat. “We can’t all be saints.”

Her quip held no mirth and perhaps a touch of judgment.

Judgment that matched what he’d been directing at himself since he left her hotel room last December. The self-criticism only grew the more he compared what he’d contributed to versus what he’d received in return. The fact that he only backed off in family law once he knew there was something in it for him. And whenDean McCaffery finally bestowed the honor and job security that Benjamin had worked so hard for, the thought of accepting tenure had made his mouth taste like ash.

Dry and foul and bitter.

“No, you’re right. Some of us will work the rest of our lives in an effort to make up for the havoc and injustice we’ve caused and never be able to offset our past choices.” His heart grew heavy with regret and shame, and part of him hoped he’d never become so complacent that he’d forget the sensation. “I was offered tenure—”

“How lovely for you,” she deadpanned.

“—then I walked out and never looked back. I’m tired of climbing on the backs of others in a quest for my own prestige. I played others like pawns in a game of chess, hoping I never got the rug pulled out from under me like my mother did when I was a kid. What I was doing felt wrong, and so I quit. I thought of you as I packed up my office. I conjured your bravery as I resigned. Considered your selfless efforts in forging my next path.”

“So what? You start your own business and I’m supposed to be impressed? It’s supposed to excuse away how you treated all those people?”

Her subtext screamed:How you treated me?

“No.” He took a step closer, ignoring his frozen toes and the chill he’d developed now that he wasn’t marching uphill. He considered throwing on his blazer but was afraid that if he took his eyes off her for a second, she’d be gone. “I can’t change the past. The only thing I can do is make amends going forward. And I didn’t leave the university for you. Though you were my inspiration. I changed my trajectory because of you.

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