Page 59 of Raven

"I know. She's told me before."

He sighed. The first actual sign of any emotion. "One day you'll understand what it means. Because I know you know, and I know you're probably sick of hearing her tell you, but when you have a child of your own, you make sacrifices. And you do it because you invest your life in that person you so wholly believe in, that you think your life is worth giving up for. The girl you took for me earlier ..."

"Anika."

"She doesn't have a choice. She has to give up her life. I mean, I suppose she does have a choice, if she really wanted to, and she could give up the child, but in the grand scheme of it all, having her child means so many of her choices have been taken from her. You have choices right now. You can choose to wait. If Tia is serious, ask her to wait until you come out. It isn't like you're going to get the chance to cosy down with her before you do anyway. Moon night is just a few days away, and then you leave for your training and won't be back for two years. Two years is a long time when you're a young panther on their own."

"But I want you to think about this, okay? Both of you really think about it. Wait. I can file your forms first thing in the morning and it will be approved and you'll be able to mate on the next moon night. I don't see a problem with it. No one will have any objections. But, if you come to me and tell me you're going to wait, I won't submit them. You've got until about eleven inthe morning tomorrow and then, as per your request, I am duty-bound to do as you asked."

That was the thing with this. Even if he disagreed with the mating, even if he was against it for whatever reasons, because obviously this mating wouldn't get a vote from him, there were so many council members that they'd not care. They'd approve it, because to them, Tia and I were just shifters on their roster and nothing else. As long as all the tests came back right, then it really didn't matter.

We had to take tests--blood tests--it was to make sure that we were both fertile, that this mating would one day equal a pregnancy or two. They wanted to make sure that neither of us carried any genetic issues that would mean our children came out deformed. In our world, it was all about carrying on the next line and the one after, because the humans culled enough. They kept our numbers clipped as best they could. Hell, if they had it their way, we'd all be extinct. Not just shifters, but every last other who ever took a breath. So we battled it.

"I don't need to wait," I said, my voice firm with conviction. "I want you to file the papers."

He stared at me for a long moment, not saying a thing. I could see he wanted to--a tick working along his jaw gave him away enough that even though I couldn't feel a single emotion coming off him, it was very clear on his face. His eyes bored into mine, searching for any hint of doubt.

In the end, he nodded, his shoulders sagging slightly. "As you wish."

"Thank you." As I opened the door to get out, Malcolm turned the key and started the car's engine, but before I could escape, he said to me, his voice low and heavy with meaning:

"Just remember that your mother--for all she has done in her life, as much as you don't understand it--it's been for you. You might be mating and you might have a lot of things going on,but when things get heated between your mother and you, don't walk away. We can all say the worst things in heated moments and think we mean them. But those words can linger, and they can hurt, and they can stay with us forever. So when you tell your mother, know that when she disapproves, it is for the same reasons as I have. She's just going to be a lot louder than I am."

TWENTY-SIX

I crept up to the flat, my footsteps as silent as a panther's, praying if my mother was home, she was asleep. The door creaked open, revealing total darkness. My heart relaxed. I didn't flick on the light, instead fumbling for the small lamp on the side table in the entryway.

The soft glow illuminated an empty sofa. The blinds hadn't moved, but more telling was the note I'd left—untouched. She hadn't been home at all. This wasn't like her. My watch read twenty past eleven, just after curfew. Sure, she would've been at work, but she always came home in between. Always.

Something gnawed in my chest, that dull ache I'd grown used to over weeks, suddenly roaring to life. It jolted my panther awake, a growl rumbling in my throat as he urged me to shift, to protect us from an unseen threat.

But we were okay.

She was okay.

I inhaled deeply, trying to settle my panther and everything threatening to overwhelm me. I needed logic, not panic.

The underground. That's where I'd go.

I bolted out of the flat, each step igniting the worry in my chest. So much for not panicking. It was like a dark cloud hadwrapped itself around me, suffocating. The moment I stepped into the night, which should have been refreshing, the feeling hit me—thick and visceral in my gut. I heaved in a breath, my panther demanding we shift. We needed to run.

I sprinted through side streets and back alleys, ducking out of sight of humans. Luckily, as Malcolm had said, with moon night approaching, the streets were nearly empty. Humans cowered indoors, their ignorant fears of rampaging shifters keeping them safe. And shifters? We saved our energy for the sweet release of moon night.

The entrance to the underground loomed ahead, disguised as the end of an old reservoir. Under the first arch of the abandoned railway, a world of secrets waited. Sometimes, when the weather turned foul, we had to wade through water to reach the door. Tonight, the stench of mould, and damp assaulted my nose. Broken tiles littered the floor, graffiti screamed from the walls, and in places, the ceiling wept, creating eerie, mossy growths. Some of the brickwork looked ready to crumble at a touch.

I dodged puddles, my feet miraculously dry as I approached the door. The familiar knock, a moment's wait. No ID needed here—they all knew me. The door creaked open, revealing a young boy. "Hey, do you--"

I waved him off, guilt twisting in my gut. "Not right now. I'm sorry." We'd normally chat—he wasn't a shifter, some kind of orphaned necromancer. His disappointment clawed at me, and I threw up a mental shield.

I needed to see my mother, or Sue—anyone to assure me she was okay. The knot in my belly burnt hotter with each step, unease crawling under my skin. I couldn't shake it. It was in my head, in my blood.

I pushed through the crowd, making a beeline for the familiar pink neon light advertising Sian's place. The receptionarea was a shock—all leather, velvet, and elegance, like stepping into a posh hotel. But tonight, even that couldn't calm my nerves.

No one sat behind the desk. I slipped around, pushing through the door to the back. As a kid, I'd rarely ventured beyond reception, always under strict orders to avoid the rooms. Now, I moved cautiously down the hallway, a maze of doors hiding who knew what.

I cracked open the door behind the reception, peering inside. A woman further up—her name escaped me—was saying goodbye to a human man. He practically bounced off the walls, giddy. Bite marks on his neck betrayed the truth—she was a vampire. Sometimes humans came down here just for the bite, their fear and fascination a twisted irony.

Where the hell was she, though? My mother's room was number three, or it had been the last time I'd been down here. I wasn't sure it'd changed. I went to it, her scent thick, but I paused outside the door. The last thing I wanted was to burst in on my mother with a client. I braced myself and closed my eyes, sending out the threads of my ability, hoping to feel her presence first and check for any other emotional profiles.

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