Page 78 of Mother Pucker

Pondering her words, I tap out a text.

Me

When did you get so wise and philosophical?

Pepper

Born this way.

I chuckle, lifting my head and scanning the room.

The bar thrums with energy as my teammates cheer and high-five each other, throwing back shots and belting out celebratory chants.

I watch in amusement from my seat at the bar as Brooks asks Rudenko to teach him the sun salutation. Rudenko’s entire face lights up like the sun he’s about to salute as he wobbles out of his chair and proceeds to guide my very inebriated friend through the various poses, garnering the interest of others at the bar. Soon, it’s not just those two, but several others who add themselves into the mix and make their way through ill-formed gestures.

I snort as I take another sip of my drink before looking down at my phone on the bar. It feels like an anchor. Every time it lights up, I find myself hoping it’s her. The woman I can’t seem to take my mind off of.

There’s a tug-of-war inside my mind, between letting myself be selfish and calling her to hear her voice and respecting her wishes for time and space.

But, fuck, this has been a hellish twenty-four hours.

“Dude!” Sanders, our left winger, slaps a hand on my shoulder, dragging me out of my misery. “What the fuck is up with you today? If I didn’t know better, I’d think we had lost tonight with the way you’re moping by yourself.”

I tilt my glass, still filled with a quarter inch of whiskey. “Just have something on my mind.”

He waves a hand around the bar, showing off the various lingering women, either hanging off my teammates’ shoulders or making eyes in someone’s direction, including mine. “The world is your oyster, my man. Take your pick and clear that mind of yours.”

I take another sip from my glass. “See, that’s the thing. I have no intention of clearing my mind of this one thing.”

twenty-five

shay

I securethe elbow pads around his arms before studying his Bolts’ hockey uniform from top to bottom with mild satisfaction. “I think between the shoulder pads, shin guards, and helmet, you should be safe.”

“I’m going trick-or-treating, Mom, not to war.”

I roll my eyes at my nine-year-old who’s been talking more and more like a teen, and I have to wonder how much of that has to do with one of his best friends, Liam, being one. “Well, you can never be too safe.”

Kai places his hand on my shoulder when I try to fix his shin guard once more. “Mom, I’ll be fine. I’m going with Rowan, Bossman, and Cortney. They’ll be with all the kids the entire time.”

I try not to let my smile waver when I see the name on the back of his jersey–Parker.

Kai swings his hockey stick at an imaginary puck, making awhooshingsound. He dashes across the room and hits the puck again. “Langfield passes to Parker, who speeds toward the goal. Chicago’s center, Louis, tries to intercept, but Parker keeps the puck close. He shoots and,oh my God, he scores!” Kai jumps upand down with his arms up in the air. “Parker wins the Stanley Cup finals!”

His joy is unparalleled, as if he’s actually at the final game and, despite the way things have been between me and Rowan, I smile brighter, overtaken by my son’s enthusiasm.

He’s always been a reserved kid–more so after Ajay’s passing–but watching him come out of his shell and be lighthearted again is something I wouldn’t exchange for the world. So many of his smiles–and mine–have been because of the man I can’t seem to stop thinking about, no matter how much I try. Truthfully, I’ve stopped trying, because I enjoy his presence in my thoughts.

The doorbell rings and Kai grasps my fingers, pulling me behind him. “Rowan’s here, Mom! Let’s go! I gotta show him my costume!”

“Okay, but walk slowly so you don’t fall!” I holler after him as he breaks away from me, rushing through the back door in my office and ignoring me.

He bounds out just as Rowan comes down the stairs to the back patio, and I watch raptly as Kai runs toward him with full force.

As if he was already expecting him, Rowan bends down and picks him up, swinging my son over his head before gently placing him back on the ground. He and Kai bump fists, and Kai turns around to show Rowan his costume.

Kai’s jaw drops as his wide eyes fixate on something on the ground in front of Rowan. I lean forward to catch a better glimpse. Rowan extends his foot, and Kai points excitedly, getting Winnie’s attention. They both grin at Rowan, and I finally get a peek at what they were looking at–the same velcro shoes I've been begging Kai to wear.

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