Page 115 of Abyss

I reach for my phone, illuminating the small space using its flashlight. It’s not much, but it’s enough to quell some of the tension and give me a sense of control.

A shiver runs through me as I open his note, shining the light over it, and reading it for the second time in my life.

My Special K,

One flare, one spark can light up an abyss.

You’ve always been mine.

And I will forever be yours.

~N

Chapter Thirty-Two

KAVI

It’s some time after nine P.M, and I’ve counted the same glow-in-the-dark stars covering the ceiling in my room at least twelve times. I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten a different count for them each time, too.

I still remember when Dad helped me stick them on, along with the now half-working string lights around my big window. He’d come home late from work and, despite his exhaustion, he’d seen a glimmer of excitement in my face since Nathan’s passing and couldn’t refuse my request. He knew how much I wanted my own space after sharing a room with Neil for so long. And if the inexpensive decor was the only way to put a smile on his daughter’s face, then he was determined to do it.

My phone vibrates with a text on my bed and the crack in my heart widens. I don’t have to pick it up to know who it is, and for a while I stay unmoving, searching my faux night sky for a path forward.

I already know what the text will say; I can feel that in my gut. Something to the effect of, “Where are you?” or “Can we talk?”

What’s really left to talk about?

Sure, he doesn’t know I was eavesdropping on his conversation with Madison, but do I really need him to rip my heart out of my chest by telling me what I already know in person?

That it wasnever meant to be anything more than a fling. Thatthe terms were clear, and he wasn’t going to make anexception.

That it was fun while it lasted, but he doesn’t know how to commit to anything more, nor does he want to. That while I’m sweet and was a wonderful distraction for the summer, I’m not his type long-term.

That I can keep the cherry earrings, but can he please get his keys back? That it’s not me,it’s him.

Oh God. If he says that last line, I’ll head back to his condo right then and cut all his stupid neck ties in half!

Still, like the doomed moth to an incinerating flame, my hand reaches for the phone.

Captain CrankyDick

Where did you go? You’ve been out a while.

My throat feels dry since I never replenished the liquid I lost through my tears this evening, and I have no more to cry.

Is this what acceptance feels like?

Did I miss that phase of denial, or did some part of me already know it was all too good to be true?

My mind wants me to rage, to jab my index finger into his chest and make him admit he duped me—that he’d planned to be rid of me from the beginning, but never had the balls to tell me until I was leaving—while my heart feels too drained and too battered to even hear his rebuttal.

I loved him.

Ilovehim.

Madly.

With a certainty that still clings to my bones.

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