Page 116 of Abyss

And somewhere along the way, like a foolish schoolgirl, I was convinced he loved me, too.

Fresh tears sting the corners of my eyes as I pull the phone in front of my face and type out a planned response.

Me

Hey! I got a call from my mom while I was out walking. She sounded really sick, so I decided to catch a cab back home.

And though I’d felt no remorse at the time I’d thought of what I was going to tell Hudson when he checked up on me, guilt now unfurls underneath my ribs with the blatant lie.

Captain CrankyDick

Is she alright? Do you need anything?

I stifle a chuckle at the last question.

Do I need anything?

Yeah, Hudson, I need something you’ll never give me. Care to ask what, or will you shove that under your overpriced rug, too, pretending you’ll never have to face it, much like you did with every other aspect of our relationship?

Me

Just the flu, but I think I’ll need to take a couple of days off to help her.

His response comes back immediately. So immediately, in fact, that I have to wonder if he’s relieved I’ve asked for the time off so he doesn’t have to see me.

Captain CrankyDick

Yeah, absolutely. Take all the time you need.

Me

Thank you.

Captain CrankyDick

I’m heading to Portland tomorrow, but perhaps we can talk when I’m back on Sunday evening? I know that was all unexpected with Maddy today, but I need to chat with you about something.

My bottom lip trembles as a bitter chuckle leaves it.Oh-fucking-sure. I should have played the lottery today based on the fact that I knew he’d say he’d want to talk in that vague tone that leaves no room for interpretation as to exactly what that so-called “talk” is.

Brushing an angry tear off my cheek with the back of my hand, I pound out my second lie.

Me

Yep, absolutely.

Though the latemorning sky is bathed in sunlight three days later, the weight on my chest remains, unaffected by its brightness. And while that rain has passed after weeks of thunderstorms, my eyes constantly threaten tears.

With my chin resting in my palm and my fingers tapping my cheek mindlessly, I look out the large picture window at the passersby while I wait for Madison at the coffee shop we agreed on.

Since that cringe-worthy evening she caught me in her father’s home—wearing his shirt, no less—I’ve been trying to gather up the courage to face her again. I promised her a chat and she certainly deserves that, given our friendship and the grace she’s shown me time and time again. I’d expect the same if the roles were reversed.

The past three days have stripped me of more than justmy hunger, sleep, and smiles, they’ve emptied me of the pain as well. Now there’s just a hollowed me. An anesthetized me.

I laid awake each night wondering if Hudson was as broken up as I was at the thought of a future without one another. Wondering whether he was distraught at the idea of breaking things off with me tonight, or had he prepared himself long ago because“the terms were clear”.

Did the past two months mean anything to him? His spoken words certainly made me believe they did, but I suppose it was always the unspoken ones I should have been listening to.

He’s messaged me a couple of times to ask if we can chat on the phone, but I’ve purposely left his messages unread, sending him a pithy response like,Sorry, was busy with Mom, hours later.

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