Page 73 of Abyss

The last time I mentioned it to Hudson, he’d said our living situation wasn’t something Madison needed to know about. And now, with the fact that he made it clear we were a one-time thing, I can’t imagine he’d be okay with me telling her. And I don’t think it would be right to tell her without giving him a heads up.

Ever since the time in his office when he completely ravaged my body and left me deliciously bruised for days after, it’s been hard to find a new normal with him. I wish I could say I was the type of woman who could walk away unaffected after he’d told me in no uncertain terms that it was a one-time only deal, but I’m not.

I’m confused, sad, and I don’t know . . . hurt, in a way. I have no right to be, but I am. I’m hurt that he just wanted something for one night, as if that’s all it would take to get me out of his system. I’m hurt that we can’t seem to hold a conversation for more than a few minutes when we’re alone. And I’m hurt that he insisted on giving me that one and only time.

I know I’m not being fair, nor am I being rational because I agreed to it when he asked me if that would be okay, but damn it, I am.

It was nice that he was out of town for the week afterbecause, honestly, I didn’t know how to be around him anymore.

I can play the part of his admin during work, return email responses with utter professionalism and nod at the right times during staff meetings.

But what I can’t do is go back to the way it was before.

What I can’t do is pretend I don’t remember the way his eyes brushed featherlight over my face, contradicting the way he sheathed himself inside me. What I can’t do is convince my heart and mind that I don’t want more.

So the morning I saw him after he came back, half-naked and deliciously sculpted—tattoos and all—I almost fell on my ass and gave myself a concussion. I tried to avoid his gaze, as if I wasn’t the least bit affected by his presence, when all I could feel was him around me. His scent, the weight of his gaze, his god-like physique; he was everywhere.

I thought I had it all under control until that night, when he found me in my room in the throes of a particularly terrible nightmare.

The way he held me, calmed me, and carried me to his bed . . . The way his arms never unwrapped from my body through the night . . .

In a way, it made me feel even more disoriented than the dream itself. On one hand, I longed for his touch, happy to have any scraps of his attention. On the other, it threatened to put a crack in the heart I was trying so hard to protect.

Perhaps it’s easy for him to separate what happened in his office with the protective and gentle way he held me in his bed, but it isn’t for me.

Perhaps returning to an all-business tone comes naturally to him, but it doesn’t to me.

Perhaps forgetting is as easy as switching off a light switch for him, but it isn’t for me.

I’ll never forget.

After having slept better than I had in weeks, I’d woken up in his bed that morning to find him gone, and we haven’t spoken about it since.

Belinda’s voice brings me out of my thoughts. “Well, I’m glad, and I hope you don’t let Hudson push you around. He can be a demanding dick, but he means well.” She eyes Madison over her cup. “No offense, Madison.”

Madison chuckles. “None taken. I told Kavi before I referred her that my dad’s no walk in the park to work for. But it looks like she’s handling him just fine.”

Little does she know exactly how I’ve handled him . . .

Hoping to hide the pink rising to my cheeks and bury my guilt, I try to take the conversation in a different direction. Though it’s still about Hudson, since it seems all I want to do ever since I met the man is gather information about him like some desperate hoarder. “Has he always been this intense and single-focused on work? Like everything else is just an afterthought?”

Madison sighs. “The only times he loosens up is when he’s at the ranch, riding his favorite horse—”

“He has horses?” I interrupt. When Hudson said he had a ranch, I wasn’t envisioning a functional one with horses and pigs, but I guess it sort of explains his somewhat rough hands. Maybe even the few freckles on his nose.

Brie laughs, her chocolatey brown hair getting picked up by a breeze. “Oh, yeah. And no one else can handle her. Hudson’s had her forever.”

“She’s like another daughter to him, I swear,” Madison chimes in with a soft laugh. “One with more attitude than me. Dad does relax, but it’s not often. It’s why I’ve been on him to start dating again, to get himself out there.”

An acrid taste fills my mouth, and I look down at the baby in my arms to avoid their gazes, hoping they don’t see the way my smile withers.

Of course his daughter would want Hudson to find someone. My mom has only recently been widowed, but I worry about her in the same way. But the image of Hudson with someone—probably leggy, well-dressed, and with an IQ of one-sixty—has that bitterness curdling my stomach.

“Well, given how needy Kenna was,” Belinda starts, getting a groan from Madison. “You’ll have to find him someone more independent and less clingy.”

Madison snorts. “And hopefully someone who won’t sleep with my uncle because my dad isn’t around enough. It’s why Dad hasn’t wanted a long-term relationship.” She frowns. “He doesn’t think he has enough time to offer anyone.”

Is that why Hudson insisted on something for one night? Because he doesn’t have time for long-term attachments?

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