Page 106 of Pretend for Me

I just messaged Piper. She hasn’t responded.

Dev Menon

Stop messaging my wife, asshole.

Hudson Case

We’ve been over this, jackass. She’s my friend and I’m the reason you even know her. Is it because she calls me Big Daddy? Dude, I’m sure this will all get sorted and she’ll give you an appropriate nickname, too. Like Minute-Man Menon or Miniscule Menon.

Dean Meyer

Is this a bad time to point out she isn’t your wife, Dev?

[GIF of Homer Simpson slowly inching backward into a bush]

Darian Meyer

Should one of us go to his house?

Hudson Case

Already on my way. Just flew into San Francisco. Be there in twenty.

Dev Menon

No. I’m not home.

Hudson Case

Yes, you are. I messaged your housekeeper and your chauffeur. They said you’re home and you smell like rotting flesh and the porta-potty at a spicy buffalo wings contest. Their words, not mine.

Dev Menon

What the fuck? You message my staff, too?

Hudson Case

I like to keep tabs on my friends. Don’t make this about me, Dev.

Dean Meyer

That’s not creepy or anything. I don’t have staff, but I’m keeping an eye on my wax lady from now on.

Hudson Case

I’m ten minutes away. Dev, put some pants on. Or don’t. What with your dick being so small and tattooed like Dean’s, I’m sure I won’t see anything.

Dean Meyer

For the love of . . .

[Dean Meyerhas left the chat]

thirty-six

dev

You Look And Smell Like A Skunk’s Asshole

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