Page 27 of Pretend for Me

“Of course I’ll increase the security around your salon. The way I was able to get inside past your doorman today? Or the way those two idiots were able to come in past salon hours?” My molars grind, remembering the way they fucking touched her. “Yeah, that shit isn’t going to fly anymore. And staying with me will at least give me the peace of mind that you’re in the safest place possible when you’re home.”

Piper shakes her head. “But it’s notmyhome.”

I tilt my head. “Then make it yours. You would have had to move in with me after the wedding, anyway. You know, until . . .” I look away, the words stuck in my throat. Fuck, just the thought that my mom won’t be here in mere months cracks my heart open each time it enters my brain.

“I know,” Piper whispers, grasping my hand in my lap, reminding me of how she did the same thing in front of those assholes who showed up at her salon. Her touch tempers the storm inside me, dulling the ache that felt unbearable only moments ago.

I look down at our connected hands, torn between wanting to pull away and needing to tighten our grasp. “It’llalso reinforce the facade. No one will question our relationship if we’re living together.”

As if my words are a bucket of cold water to her emotions, something crosses Piper’s expression. She straightens in her chair, withdrawing her hand from mine, and making me wish I could retract my words.

But I don’t.

Because the more we acknowledge this charade now, the easier it will be for both of us when it inevitably ends. Because there’s no denying it will.

I haven’t known her long enough, but from what I see, the woman is the yin to my yang, my polar opposite in every way that matters, and that’s putting it mildly.

She’s spontaneous, wild, and possibly a little unhinged. She literally prattled on about her plans to breed her rabbits for ten minutes on our way here, for God’s sake, telling me she plays songs like “Lick It” by Khia to set the mood for them!

And while she doesn’t shy away from any physical connection, the woman runs for the hills at the mention of commitment. In fact, from what I can tell, she’s committed to chewing the same stick of gum longer than any past relationship.

Meanwhile, I’m steadfast, reliable, and thrive on routine and order. Apart from Camila, I’ve had two other women in my life, both of whom I slept with after having committed to them.

So to even consider something working out between us long term is laughable, given everything—from our personalities, our worlds, and our outlooks—about us is fundamentally different in every way.

We’re silent for a few moments while I dig into my noodles. We still need to discuss our story, given my parents have invited her for dinner this weekend, though I suspect we can keep the premise of how we met relatively the same.

She plays with the dumplings on her plate, still irritated about having to move in with me. I gather she’s wrestling with the changes coming her way over the next few months.

Deciding to give her a few minutes, I refrain from jumping into the next order of business. But as usual, the tables turn as they often do between us, and I realize that when it comes to being a pain in the ass, Piper Parker wins the gold every time.

Her eyes sparkle. “Want me to make your home mine, huh? Fine. But I hope you know what you’re in for, Mr. Menon. There’s a reason my brother wrapped yellow police tape around the wing of the house I occupied when we both lived with our mom.” Her smile turns as saccharine and deranged as the Joker’s. “But I have a feeling you’re the type who likes to learn the hard way. And you’re in luck . . . you know why?” She doesn’t wait for my response. “Because I’m a damn good teacher.”

eleven

dev

Five Schlongs Hen Party

Darian Meyer

[Link to Finance Focus Weekly magazine article: Tech Titan Ties the Knot: Dev Menon, CEO ofMenon, Inc.Engaged to Piper Parker]

I feel like I accidentally watched the last episode of The Bachelor, Season 4562, without having seen the earlier episodes. Not that I’m complaining.

@Dev Menon, what the hell is this? You’re getting married?!

Dean Meyer

What in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost of Jeff Bezos is happening here? Dev, is this for real? Was it her hairless . . . cat that convinced you?

[Family Guy’s Herbert the Pervert stroking a scared-looking cat GIF]

@Darian Meyer, don’t you dare exit this chat like the hairless pussy you are.

Garrett Meyer

Dev, buddy, don’t you think that perhaps you’ve taken customer loyalty too far? Are you sure you’re not suffering from Stockholm Syndrome after that haircut?

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