Page 45 of Pretend for Me

Christ. I think I need something stronger than a drink. A lobotomy, perhaps.

Dev Menon

For once, Hudson, I agree with you.

Dean Meyer

Aww, look at hairless pussies bringing us all together.

@Darian Meyer, I swear to God, if you don’t grow some actual balls . . .

@Dev Menon, just curious, since you’ve managed to shock us all the past couple of weeks, now that you’ve put a ring on it, can we assume Tiny Dev is getting action from more than just your hand?

Dev Menon

You can assume you’re an asshole.

Dean Meyer

Jesus. So catty.

[GIF of Two hairless cats fighting]

Darian Meyer

How has it been living with her?

Dev Menon

You mean, her and her two fucking rabbits?

Garrett Meyer

Hold up. Rabbits?! Are they hairless, too? Is this some bizarre fucking form of foreplay to jump-start your dick?

Dev Menon

She’s trying to become a rabbit breeder. The little shits have chewed up one of my Persian rugs because my pet hoarder fiancée feels they need a “safe space” to run around free six hours a day. Not to mention, they wreaked fucking havoc in my house when she moved in.

Darian Meyer:

She’s trying to become a rabbit breeder? What the hell?

Hudson Case

At least the bunnies are getting more action than Dev has in years.

Dean Meyer

So, let me get this straight. You have a fiancée who scalped you, a hairless cat who wants to have your bald babies, and rabbits that are treating your multi-million-dollar minimalist manor like a fucking salad bar? And it’s still unclear if you’ve been laid.

Garrett Meyer

Your house was on Architectural Digest last year. Maybe you’ll make Animal Planet this year. Your wet dreams are coming true, Tiny Dev!

Dean Meyer

Tiny Dev would be the animal featured on the cover of that issue. Captioned: Rare sighting of a shriveled up trouser snake in its natural habitat.

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