Page 84 of Pretend for Me

I certainly did. Great choice on the tuxes, Dev. Very trendy and nontraditional.

Garrett Meyer

Agreed. I’m especially excited about the hot pink bow ties. I’m so glad I turned in my measurements when I did. Apparently, there’s a shortage of green velvet now.

Dean Meyer

I know you guys are fucking with me.

Darian Meyer

Oh boy. If you didn’t read the email, then you probably also don’t know about the synchronized swim routine we’re doing for him that day. I’ve been practicing daily.

Dean Meyer

See? Now I know you guys are fucking around because that was Darian’s attempt at a joke. He never jokes because, as seen in the embarrassing example above, his jokes are dumb.

Darian Meyer

Jackass.

Dean Meyer

This is some fucked up shit, banding together against me. What have I ever done to you guys?

Hudson Case

How about making a profile for me on the SeniorSizzler dating site and then proceeding to match me with an eighty-five-year-old woman with seventeen grandchildren and six Pomeranians? Ring any bells?

Dean Meyer

Bro. Sue-Ann was a great catch! Also, how long are you going to hold that against me? It was before you met Kavi, when you were wound up so tight you were scheduling your shits. I was just trying to loosen you up! And it clearly worked, didn’t it? I’m still waiting for that ‘thank you,’ by the way.

[GIF of Leonardo DiCaprio lifting a glass and saying “You’re Welcome”]

Hudson Case

You’ll be waiting a long time.

Darian Meyer

How about slipping the DJ five hundred bucks to play nursery rhymes at my wedding and dedicating them all to my wife?

Dean Meyer

Oh, come on, little brother! Rani loved it! I bet those songs were on her most-played list. Didn’t you see how she knew all the words to them?

Garrett Meyer

How about the time you convinced Bella that we did everything together as twins, including sharing our women? And then proceeded to tell her you’d meet her in our honeymoon suite after our wedding?

Dean Meyer

That was a joke! Are you still butt-hurt about that? She rejected me, didn’t she? Even threatened to cut off the family jewels if I came within fifty feet of her. I was just testing her loyalty, bro. Again, you’re welcome.

Jesus, a man can’t get any gratitude around here.

Darian Meyer

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