Page 87 of Pretend for Me

Dean Meyer

Okay, last question for research purposes for my best man’s speech. Did last night’s activities include you wearing a cottontail butt plug? I’ve always been curious about those.

[Dev Menonhas left the chat]

Dean Meyer

There he goes, hopping off into the horizon. Oh, look! He even remembered his cottontail butt plug.

[Darian Meyerhas left the chat]

[Hudson Casehas left the chat]

thirty

piper

Overthinking It

“Look at this kitchen!” Sarina says, scanning the length of Dev’s kitchen. “It looks like Martha Stewart designed it herself.”

I set Nisha’s baking dish on the massive island next to the salad I made. While I’m a hopeless cook, give me store-bought ingredients—as long as it’s not gorgonzola, because ew!—and dressing, and I can whip up a decent salad. Today’s offering is a recreation of the Olive Garden salad to go along with the baked mac and cheese Nisha brought for our biweekly dinner because you have to be a lunatic not to love the Olive Garden salad.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she actuallydiddesign it,” I say, walking over to the wall-to-wall fridge to pull out the pitcher of the Bloody Mary I made earlier for the three of us, along with a bottle of chocolate milk for Rome.

While my honorary nephew has seen Dev’s place quite thoroughly, given the move-in fiasco of the century, this is the first time my best friends have come over.

Dev is flying back from his day trip to Seattle, but I texted him this morning to ask if I could host my friends at his place. His response?

Dev

It’sourhouse, Peter. You can host whoever you want.

Me

Well, in that case, let me send off those invites for the rager I’ve been thinking about hosting here.

Dev

Fine, but if TMZ shows up, you’re on damage control. Also, no foam machines, please. The clean up is a bitch.

Me

Ugh, you’re such a killjoy. Fine, I’ll stick to just glitter bombs, then.

Dev

I’ll let the cleanup crew know to stand-by. Try not to burn the place down, little hellion.

Me

No promises. Hurry back if you want to see your house in one piece.

Dev

I’m hurrying back, but it’s not the house I want to see.

Me

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