Page 89 of Pretend for Me

But honestly, it’s how I’ve felt, ever since the first night he asked me to stay. I was steadfast in not letting him break my rules, making it a point to sleep in my own room and away from his intoxicating pull each night. But it took one breathless moment, one plea from him to let go, and I crumbled like an over-baked soufflé onThe Great British Bake Off.

And then his words to me after—the ones said with somuch conviction and confidence—left me feeling even more exposed than I was physically.

He was burrowing himself into the place I kept under lock and key, but could he demolish the fortress of deep-seated doubts I’d built around it?

“Alright, spill the tea,” Sarina urges. “Tell us everything.”

I shrug, aiming for nonchalance, but knowing my friends can see right through it. “I don’t know, it just happened. One minute we were kissing under the fireworks, and the next?—”

“Wait,” Nisha interrupts. “You . . . kissed him?”

Damn. I was hoping to slip that detail in without notice.

“It was just a kiss. Don’t overthink it.”

Except for the fact that it was the most life-changing, earth-altering kiss in the world.

“Don’t overthink it?!” Sarina barks, making me jump in my chair. I almost spill my Bloody Mary on my new skirt. “You haven’t kissed a guy in more than a decade, and you’re telling us not to overthink it? Piper. You like him!”

“I . . .”

“Don’t even try to deny it,” Nisha interrupts, clearly knowing what I was about to say. It’s really annoying to have friends who know you better than you know yourself sometimes. “I saw the way you were looking at him when he came to the salon, and then when you dropped Rome off after Disney. I’ve heard you talk about him. It’s unlike the way you’ve ever been with anyone.”

I stir my cocktail with the celery stick inside it, suddenly feeling unsure about everything—my thoughts, my feelings, and the way my heart seems to have picked up its pace. “Yeah, okay. I like him. So what?”

My friends look at each other, mouths hanging open as if they can’t believe what they’re hearing.

“Guys, do you not remember what I told you about theterms of this engagement?” I ask. “It ends shortly after Dev’s mom passes.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean it has to,” Nisha says, leaning in. “If you love each other?—”

“Love?” I interrupt, my head snapping back. “Nisha, we’ve known each other for mere weeks, not long enough to figure out if it’s love. Anyway, you know how firm I am about rule number three—no falling in love.”

“Oh, Jesus,” she whispers irritatedly. “Your stupid rules.”

“Remind me again why rule number three is even on the list?” Sarina adds, eyes narrowing. “What’s your problem with falling in love?”

I groan, taking a sip of my cocktail. I’ve explained this to them before, but apparently, my best friends have the memories of goldfish. “I don’t have a problem with all love, just the romantic type. In my experience, romantic love is unpredictable, untrustworthy, and probably some other “un” words I can’t think of right now.

“People use it too often but don’t mean it enough. Love is something one person comes to rely on while the other person uses it to string them along, only to change their mind later. It’s why I’ve chosen to stay away from it, because in the end, it breaks more people than it mends. Look at my parents. Look at you both.”

I snap my mouth shut as soon as those last words are out. I wasn’t trying to bring up either of their failed relationships, but honestly, can they blame me? If anything, they should be on this anti-love bandwagon with me!

I circle my finger over my glass. “I’m sorry. That was really rude of me.”

Nisha’s eyes soften. “Yes, but you’re not completely wrong. I get that you’ve seen some shitty examples of love, but you’ve also seen some good ones. Look at Rowan and Shay. Look at how happy they are.”

“Or even Dev’s parents,” Sarina chimes in. “Every time you visit, you tell us how much love you see between them, even if his dad is a hard-ass.”

“And what about your mom and her husband? She seems to have found true love with him,” Nisha adds.

Ugh, why did I tell them about any of that? I should have known they’d conveniently bring up those examples at a time like this to make their point.

“Look.” I sigh. “Even if I have feelings for him, the last thing he needs is a complication when I promised him there wouldn’t be. This was just supposed to be an arrangement between us. Plus, I haven’t actually loved anyone romantically before, not even Andrés. I was too young to even know what that kind of love was at the time.”

“Yeah, but now you do, don’t you?” Nisha asks, and I gather she’s not expecting me to answer. “You have a much better understanding of that kind of love now. You’re just holding yourself back from experiencing it.”

“No,” I say firmly. “I’m holding us both back from inevitable heartbreak in the future.”

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