Page 31 of Pretend for Me

She had me at my first dog treat.

Hudson Case

Are those still a staple in your daily diet?

Dean Meyer

Fuck, yes! You should taste the dog treats she makes.

Hudson Case

Shame. I just recently moved on from puppy chow to adult cuisine. But I agree with Dar, you don’t deserve that wife of yours.

Dean Meyer

Shhh, don’t tell her. She has a tendency to get a big head.

Garrett Meyer

Oh, god. Brace for it . . .

Dean Meyer

She also has a tendency to GIVE good head.

[Darian Meyerhas left the chat]

[Dev Menonhas left the chat]

[Hudson Casehas left the chat]

[Garrett Meyerhas left the chat]

Dean Meyer

What’s funny is you think I won’t add all you fuckers back.

twelve

dev

I Do Like To Swallow

My eyes have a hard time figuring out what to land on when I swing my door open.

They first halt on Piper, taking in her cascading brown hair that could double as a scarf over both her shoulders, before flicking to the boy of about five or six in a short-sleeve polo and shorts, who’s clinging to a hardback book as though he’s keeping it from flying away. But what truly captures my attention, making me wonder if I’ve stumbled onto the set of a low-budget reality show, is the sizeable cage she’s clutching on her other side.

That’s right, a cage. Complete with two very exasperated-looking rabbits.

My brows rise in question, but before I can voice my confusion, she waves her free hand, gesturing to what I think is my home. “You realize there are countries that are smaller than this house alone, right? Like Google Earth would need to zoom out a few times to capture it. And we just walked past an infinity pool in your courtyard that could double as a small lake. Should I expect a helipad too, or do you just park your flying car in the garage like the rest of us peasants?”

Suppressing my smile, I bite the inside of my cheek. “Yes,there is a helipad on the premises, and a landing strip in the back.”

A sly smile stretches across her lips. “Well, I guess I have something in common with this house, then.” She leans in, whispering against the shell of my ear, sending a zap of electricity down my spine, “Except mylanding stripis in the front.”

My jaw clenches, and I swear to God if there wasn’t a kid—and two caged animals—staring at us, I’d have grabbed her by the back of the neck and demanded proof.

Clearing my throat, I welcome them inside, casting a furtive glance at the portable travel zoo in her grasp. “Is this all you brought with you?”

---