Page 54 of Jackson

Talking to a dog like she was human no doubt had me looking a little insane. But with no partner to keep me company all day, I found myself replacing my human interaction with Jackson’sdog instead. To no surprise, she was incredibly well trained and took commands like a champ.

He’d given me a crash course of it this morning before jetting off into the city for whatever reason. All day, my thoughts had been tripping up on him, wondering what in the world he’d skip out on training for when he was the one who was supposed to be running the program.

Of course, my mind had immediately gone into full disaster-mode and convinced myself for half of the fucking day that he was out meeting with someone else.

Could I even call that cheating when we weren’t exactly in a stable relationship?

It sure felt like a fucking stab to the chest every time my mind got itself worked up. Thankfully, Roxy was my rock and had worked me down from going actually insane to only slightly fucked up.

After handing in my gear, I led Roxy through the property, following after the other inmates heading to the mess hall. While passing by, I took a glance over to the staff parking lot; Jackson’s truck was still missing from the lot.

It was hard to not let that bother me. I missed him horribly, more than I wanted to admit to myself. The longer I dwelled on his absence, the more it was making it all the more difficult in ignoring my very obviously budding feelings.

“Hey, Gonzalez,” someone called out to me. Turning, I spotted one of the firefighters, Mac. “I’m going to walk the dog back to the staff cabins. Thanks for looking after her today.”

My heart squeezed. “Oh. Uh, sure.”

Roxy’s doe-eyes turned to me, a whine leaving her when Mac tapped on her collar and whistled at her to follow after him. I stayed rooted to my spot while they walked away. If I knew I was going to be giving her back so soon before seeing Jackson, I would’ve at least savored the remaining time we had together.

Now I really was all alone.

I dragged my feet as I headed into the mess hall. The food tasted like ash while I ate, tucked away in the back away from everyone.

While in prison, I’d gotten used to being alone. I’d spent most of my formative years surrounded by someone all-encompassing, his presence bleeding into every aspect of my life until I reached a point of not even being able to breathe without him there.

Prison had given me a harsh reality check into my co-dependence issues. Slapping me in the face with how much of my life I had relied on someone loving me. The past two years, I’d kept everyone at a distance, even Tyson. We were friends, of course, but the kind that you left at work when you went home for the day.

Jackson had been my first taste of the forbidden fruit after having gone sober for so long. He’d sunk down deep into my bones and made a home there, rooted indefinitely.

How could I start to pluck the blossoms that grew from it so soon after they’d begun to bloom?

I couldn’t be that cruel to myself, even with my subconscious screaming at me to stop before he got hurt. My lingering need for him was an unrelenting beast that I’d need to put down eventually. For the sake of both of us.

Regardless of how much it killed me to think about.

By the time I finished up and made my way to the communal showers, I was starting to feel the fatigue from the day settle over me. We hadn’t done a lot of hiking today but the gear we’d put on had been heavy and hot under the sun.

Learning how to move in gear like that gave me an even more impressive outlook on Jackson’s job. Without adding the actual firefighter or search and rescue parts to the mix, the guy had a lot of guts getting into situations like that. It took a special breed of person to brave a natural disaster and keep a level head.

The hot water sluicing over my skin melted all of my stress away, leaving me feeling boneless and ready for an early bedtime. I disregarded the other inmates tossing their towels around and snapping them against each other’s asses while getting dressed, and quickly hustled out before I became an unwilling participant.

Getting back to my cabin, I was surprised to see the inside door slightly ajar but didn’t think much of it, until I stepped inside and caught sight of the figure sitting on my bed.

“Woah, woah,” Jackson said, quickly getting up and putting his hands out toward me when I jumped hard enough to knock into the front door. “It’s okay. It’s just me.”

I slapped a hand to my chest, exhaling shakily. “What... the hell...”

He chuckled, though his eyes were sympathetic. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. You okay?”

Lifting myself away from the door, I peeked out the window to where the dying sun was still coloring the horizon.

Why was Jackson here so early?

Wasn’t he afraid of getting caught when it was still light out?

“Ayen?”

My head snapped over to look at him. “Oh, sorry.”

---