Page 31 of Reaching Roland

I felt terrible that his nervousness actually made me feel more confident that our time together wasn’t just him feeling sorry for a pathetic old man who’d been alone entirely too long.Good God, where had that thought come from?I’d never even considered being with someone else romantically. Rhonda had been it. My one true love. Why would I ever need anyone else?

“Uh. Roland. Are you okay?”

Kenny’s quiet question jerked me out of my head, and I glared at him. “Why are you calling me Roland? You never call me Roland,” I grumbled.

He threw his arms up in the air, a cob of corn in each hand, and said, “See. It’s weird, right?”

“Yes, shortcake. I don’t like it.”

A slow smile spread across his face, his cheeks turning an alluring shade of pink. “I don’t like it either, Daddy.”

My breath caught, and I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me. “Good.” I spun back to the corn and started shoving them into the basket on my arm without thought.

Kenny nudged me gently with his arm, then pulled a piece of corn with blackened leaves back out of the basket. “You want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Are you bored? Hanging out with me, I mean?” I faced him again. “You haven’t been down to see your parents or to the beach yet this summer. You don’t feel obligated to stay on the weekends and hang out with me, do you?”

He tilted his head. “Are you kidding me? I love our time together. I mean, in ait’s good to have someone to go to the Farmers’ Market withkind of way.”

He sounded flustered, but I felt so off-kilter that I didn’t have the brain capacity to figure out why. “Yeah. Okay, me, too. But you’ll tell me if you want to go down to Little Beach Bay instead, right? I don’t want you to feel bad if you’re not staying in Takoda one weekend. I know you’re younger than me, so there are?—”

He stepped forward, stood up on his toes, and clapped his palm over my mouth. “You saying I’m young might actually be worse than you calling yourself old. Stop it, Daddy.” He dropped his hand when I began to chuckle.

“Okay, shortcake. Fair enough.”

“Good.” He waited a beat, then continued, “Although, you never answered my question.”

“Which one?” I asked. This conversation had gone so far off track I didn’t know what we were talking about anymore.

“Do you want to go down the shore on the Fourth? If you have other plans, that’s fine, but I thought we could go to Sunrise Park Boardwalk. It’s closer than the LBB, but they still have a spectacular fireworks display. What do you think?”

I flipped up his sunglasses and saw it in his eyes how badly he wanted to go. Did I? Fuck no. That sounded like one of the nine circles of hell to me, but I had to compromise. Our relationship… uh, friendship, couldn’t only be based on things I enjoyed. That wasn’t fair to Kenny. He worked hard, too, and deserved to get out and do fun things. “You twisted my arm.”

“Really?” He clapped his hands, and his eyes glowed with excitement. It took so little to make him happy. How could I deny him?

“Yes, really.” I carefully lowered his glasses back down onto his nose. “We should probably get a move on so we have time to finish walking around.”

“Sounds good.” I paid for the corn and then listened as Kenny chatted away about all of his favorite sweet treats on the boardwalk. He sucked me in with his enthusiasm, and before I knew it, I was looking forward to it, too. Despite the drive from hell and the throng of people, I wanted to experience fireworks with Kenny. See them light up his face, and his eyes sparkle with happiness. What the actual hell was going on with me?

Chapter Eleven

ROLAND

One of my favorite things about summer was how early the sun rose, painting the sky with oranges, pinks, and blues. This morning, it seemed especially important. I was an early bird by nature, generally content in my skin from the minute I rolled out of bed, but today was different. I was different.

We’d had family dinner last night like usual, and it pleased me how well Kenny and Indie got along. I thought they were probably good for each other in a lot of ways, especially since Kenny had fallen into an older brother, mentor-type relationship with Indie. My chosen son needed that, a friend with a strong sense of self, who’d also braved the world by moving to Takoda by himself right out of high school, and stayed on, creating a successful career for himself at Labelle’s Salon. He hadn’t lived through the same things as Indie, but his life hadn’t been pain-free either. Watching the two of them together last night had made me so damn glad that he’d become such a present part of our lives.

The problem was, it didn’t seem like Indie was the only person Kenny was good for. Somehow, he’d brought me back to life,and I hadn’t even realized that I’d merely been existing until he showed up like this bright light in the middle of the darkness. I wanted to think—it was easier to think—that I’d just been so lonely before I met him that he’d filled a void I hadn’t even known I had. But I knew that wasn’t true. I had co-workers I’d known for years, and I met people every day, and no one had struck me the way Kenny had. I didn’t crave their company or rearrange my life to include them. It was like he had a magnetic pull that drew me to him time and time again, and then once I got to know him better, really know him, he’d slipped even further under my skin. He’d become the first person I thought of in the morning and my last thought at night.

He was quickly becoming the center of my universe, and I didn’t understand why. How had that happened without me noticing? Did I even want that? My stomach clenched at the very idea of not texting and talking to him multiple times a day. My life would go back to being so flat and lifeless without him. Maybe the vibrancy he brought to my life was nothing more than his youth. He needed someone young and fun, not the likes of me, an old guy who enjoyed fixing cuckoo clocks and family heirlooms or latches on a gate.

Then there was the biggest thing, the main thing. Rhonda. I’d had my one great love, my true love. I wasn’t a greedy or selfish man. I’d never thought I deserved more when I’d had someone so full of passion and joy, someone who’d complimented me so perfectly. And yet, just the sound of Kenny’s voice chased away the loneliness. His smile grounded me, and his laugh made me feel victorious. He’d come to mean so much to me, so much more than a friend.

I reached for my coffee to take another sip and found my mug empty. When had I finished it? I was used to my mind beingcentered, with the exception of the fury and rage I’d battled when I’d found out that Bart was even worse than I’d ever imagined. Otherwise, I was generally a laid-back guy. Peaceful. Calm.

“Hey, Dad. Where are you?” Cameron called from inside the house.

I looked back over my shoulder and waved a hand, hoping he'd see me. When he strode toward the sliding glass door, I settled back into my seat.

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