Page 32 of Reaching Roland

“Good morning.”

Cameron walked past me and set a twenty-ounce coffee from my favorite place on the table in front of me. Then he settled himself into the two-seater to my right with his own cup, propping his feet up on the ottoman. “And good morning to you.”

“What are you doing up so early this morning, son?”

Cameron smirked. “Can't a guy come over and hang out with his father?”

I chuckled. “Since we haven't had very many mornings like this since you started dating Indie, I'm surprised to see you, is all.” He used to come over for breakfast before I left for work fairly often. As much as I missed that, the tradeoff was better, seeing him happy more than ever with our dedicated Sunday night dinners and how often Indie liked to pop over.

Cameron's smile warmed with obvious affection at the mention of his boy. “I left him curled up in bed, snug as a bug.”

Curious, I asked, “Then why are you here? Is something wrong?”

Cameron shook his head. “I feel like I should be asking you that.”

How the hell had he known my mind was a wasteland of confusion? When he left here last night, I’d been fine. It wasn’t until I closed my eyes to sleep that I’d spiraled. When all I saw behind my eyelids was a laughing, green-eyed man with a lollipop sticking out of his mouth. “What do you mean?”

“Come on, Dad. It was just the two of us for over fifteen years. You think I don't know when something's wrong with my old man. You put on a good game-face. I don’t even think Indie noticed, but you definitely weren’t yourself last night.”

Averting my gaze from his knowing one, I shrugged. “I can't be on the ball all the time, Cameron. Sometimes I just don't have a lot to say.”

“Or sometimes a person has a lot on their mind and maybe needs someone to talk it out with or confide in. You’ve always been there for me. Maybe let me return the favor.”

I sighed, tilted my head up, and stared at the morning sky. “Honestly, I’d tell you if I knew what was going on. My brain is pretty scrambled.”

We sat in silence, listening to the sounds of nature waking up for the day and the twitter of the birds in the backyard. After a while, Cameron said, softly, “Dad, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, son.”

“Do you think Mom would’ve wanted you to spend the rest of your life alone?”

I snapped my head in his direction, and he held up a hand.

“Hear me out, please. Mom only ever wanted the best for both of us. Before she got sick, she spent so much time telling me all ofher hopes and dreams for me. She gave me advice that I never needed until I found Indie.”

“She was the embodiment of love.” I forced the words past the lump in my throat. “She hated leaving you.”

“I know.” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him. “But she hated leaving you, too, Dad. She asked me to keep an eye on you. She wanted you to live your life and be happy.”

“I am. I have you, and now Indie. Plus, all the other kids who stop over with you two, and Miss Georgina, and her neighbors. My life is full.”

He stared down at his hands. “I noticed you didn’t mention Kenny.” He looked up, and it was my turn to glance away. “I never realized how lonely you were before he came around.”

“That’s not true. Things have only been different since I stopped hosting poker nights with my high school friends,” I protested.

Cameron shook his head. “No, even before that. Hanging out with them was your normal routine, but they weren’t enough. Not really.”

“That's not true. Maybe I wasn’t really all that close to all of them, but we were family. I adored their wives and children. They were your mom’s people, too. If nothing else, that made those relationships important.” And I hadn’t abandoned any of them. I responded whenever any of Rhonda’s old friends reached out to me, and I’d still sent cash for Christmas to the kids. I just needed some space from the men so I could keep my promises to Indie.

Cameron huffed and stood up. “I know, but you also know what I'm saying. Having the guys over a couple of nights a week to play card games year after year isn't the same as having a person to talk to about your day. Someone to laugh with and go places with. All the things you’ve been doing with Kenny.”

He wasn’t wrong. This, whatever it was, with Kenny was different than any other friendship I’d ever had, except with Rhonda. She’d been my best friend, my love, my everything. We never ran out of things to say or do, much like it had become with the adorable hairstylist.

“You don't have to say anything, but I wanted you to know that I think Mom would approve of you finding someone.” He cleared his throat and began pacing. “No, I think she’d approve of him. He’s good for you. You’ve been doing things and having so much fun. You’re going to the boardwalk for the Fourth of July, for fuck’s sake. You’ve always hated that. There’s an energy about you that I haven’t seen since… since Mom.”

“But you don’t like him,” I said, finally looking up at him.

He stopped and stared at me incredulously. “Are you serious? Why would you think that?”

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