Page 33 of Reaching Roland

“Are you serious?” I repeated back. “You scowl every time we walk into The Tap together, and it takes you half an hour to warm up to him on Sunday nights.”

He threw his arms up in the air. “He calls you Daddy. No one wants to hear someone call their father Daddy. It’s cringy.”

I barked out a laugh. “Uh. Did you forget that I have to listen to Indie call you Daddy? Or that all his new besties talk about their Daddies all the time.”

He wrinkled his nose. “That’s different.”

“How?” I asked, perplexed.

Cameron slunk back to his seat and dropped down, crossing his arms over his chest in a sulk. “I don’t know. Just because.”

I laughed and sat back, hoping that this conversation was over for now. The turn my thoughts had taken about Kenny were too new, too?—

“Can I ask you another question?”

“I don’t know.” I scrubbed a hand down my face. “It’s too early for this shit.”

He snorted. “Don’t give me that. You’re an early bird.” He sighed heavily, then squared his shoulders. “Have you always known you were bisexual, or is this a new thing?”

Damn. He went all the way there. I jumped up and strode to the edge of the patio, shoving my hands into the pockets of my pajama pants. Cameron gave me time, letting me collect my thoughts before he approached me and clasped my shoulder. “I didn't know. I don’t know,” I whispered. “I’m so confused.”

“You didn't know you could be interested in men?” he asked. “You’re not a homophobe or anything, so why not?”

The fact that Kenny was a man didn’t matter to me at all. I’d never thought about being with a male before, but that’s because Rhonda was the only one I’d ever given serious thought to. “No, no. If I’d known I was bisexual, I’d have told you when you came out to me. Cameron, I didn't know I could be interested in anyone but your mother,” I said, sounding pained, even to my own ears.

His arm slipped around my waist, and he leaned into me. “She was an amazing woman, Dad. We were so fucking lucky to be the center of her world. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and miss her. I hope that wherever she is, she and Nadine are watching over Indie and me and see how happy we are together. In my heart, I think they’d approve.”

His voice had gone thick with unshed tears, and I tipped my head to rest my temple against his. “I know they’re thrilled, son. Your mom probably would’ve said it was fate for their sons to end up together.”

“Toby says that all the time,” he said with a laugh. “He said that Indie and I were destined to be together since the beginning of time.”

“I think he’s probably right.”

“And I think you and Mom were always meant to be, too. And she’ll always be with us, in our hearts and our memories. But, Dad.” He turned to face me. “Her physical body isn’t here anymore, and it’s okay for you to move on. To find someone else to spend time with, to hold, to love. There’s no shame in that. And I don’t think it honors Mom at all for you to cut off that part of your life and live like some kind of hermit.”

I raked a hand back through my hair. “Say that’s true…” I blew out a breath. “Would it be fair to Kenny? He’s so much younger than me. He could still find someone closer to his age, have his dream with the house with the white picket fence and the dog. Someone who would take him dancing every weekend and didn’t expect him to spend one of his two days off at the Farmers’ Market and family dinner with my two grown kids. Maybe this is all just me, and I’m imagining that we have some kind of weird connection.”

Cameron made a sound like he was choking and stood up. He glanced at me, snickering. The little shit was laughing at me? I scowled.

“Sorry, Dad.” He held up his hand like I should stop, then laughed harder, doubling over at the waist and grabbing his knees.

“What the hell, Cameron?”

He wheezed, trying to get himself under control, and looked up at me. “That guy has such a huge crush on you, it’s not even funny. You can see the hearts in his eyes when he looks at you from a mile away.”

Really? “No, you can’t. You’re exaggerating.”

He crossed back to his chair, grabbing his coffee off the table as he sat down. “I wish. It’s a little nauseating watching someone eye my father up like he wants to eat him for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

My stomach swooshed, and I clutched a hand to it. Seriously, what was going on with me? I shouldn’t feel like a teenager with my first crush, hearing that the person I like likes me back. I was fifty-one-years-old, for fuck’s sake. “Really?” I asked, feeling the heat flood my face at exposing my thoughts to my son. My grown son, sure, but my kid, nonetheless.

“Yeah, old man.”

My mind flashed back over my interactions with Kenny. How he teased me, his sweet blushes, and his precious giggles. How he listened so intently as I spoke about Rhonda, then laid his own soul bare about the tragedy in his town that led him to his lifetime friends, his brothers. I thought about how he slaved overthe crepes when he made dinner for me and gushed over every meal I served him, especially the strawberry shortcake. Had he truly become myshortcakesomewhere in there? My person?

Cameron smiled at me softly.

“I… I don’t even know what to say. How to feel,” I admitted.

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