Page 83 of Hide From Me

I couldn’t stay here. I couldn’t control this.

“I just, I can’t be here. Make yourself at home. I’ll stay downstairs.”

I turned, and without listening to whatever she was yelling at me, I walked away from the woman that I now knew was more than just an obsession. She was a world in and of herself, and I wanted to explore all of her for eternity, and that wasn’t something someone like me ever got. I didn’t get forever.

THIRTY-ONE

rylee

What had just happened?Seconds ago, I was pretty sure that I was about to have sex, or maybe cuddle time or, well, just anything but this.

I wasn’t sure if I should shake like a leaf and cry in a corner or run after the asshole. I was sure as shit awake now though.

Something told me that he wasn’t the kind of guy who would want to be chased. Or maybe I wasn’t the girl who was going to chase him? At least not right now. Shit, I didn’t know what to do right now. I wasn’t even sure if what he said was a compliment. The way he looked at me like I was everything unnerved me. I wanted him to know that I had it better here because he had been here. It was dumb. A stupid crush of a desperate girl who had lost everything. All this time, I’d held onto the idea that if I had stayed, something good could have come out of this.

I hadn’t really thought about the fact that I was a liability. The way he had reminded me just what hell I’d been tossed to the day I’d been dropped off. It was enough for me to remember why I shouldn’t have come back, but then, where was I supposed to go?

I couldn’t even get off his bed. I lay there with his scent all around me, like the blanket of his memory. What was I without this whole ridiculous dream?

But it wasn’t a damn dream. I slammed my fists into the blankets, having less than a threatening effect.

“You are such an asshole,” I screamed.

Because he was. I wanted to think it was all a desperate memory, but it wasn’t. The way he looked at me now was the same as it had been the day he’d burned down that house of hell. I hadn’t dreamt it up, and now that I knew what it was to have him? Well, fuck him.

But first, I needed him to cool the fuck off.

I didn’t have anyone’s numbers, and I realized that this place wasn’t exactly going to just let me in later with all its scanners and codes. I needed to figure out a plan. Maybe I just go back to my apartment? That was fine and well, but I sort of needed my car. I also wasn’t entirely sure that I was safe there thanks to the doubt Cas had implanted in me.

Then again, he owned it all.

I took a deep breath. I’d spent years trying to just pretend like what had happened wasn’t really what happened. I had spent years pushing it all down, and although I had memories of Cas front and center, the trauma of what my sperm donor had tried to do had stayed quietly locked away and let me just live my life. Most days.

All I wanted was a life. All I wanted was a grumpy prick who was probably one of the scariest assholes in the whole city, and somehow, I didn’t have a tiny bit of self-preservation left.

I should be reliving seeing the PI killed in front of me, but really, it wasn’t so different from the death I took photos of. No, what I was reliving was the night my father had come very close to winning and breaking me. But instead of the fear defining me, the memory of the way Cas had looked at me covered in bloodseemed to be clearer than any of it all. His eyes had been dark, nearly black, and the words he hadn’t spoken were the most real in my memories.

As my mind swirled with thoughts, my eyes grew heavier and heavier until I had no idea I’d ever fallen asleep. I startled awake as my phone rang. I reached to where it had landed on the bed. The yawn that accompanied my hello probably said just how tired I was and why I shouldn’t be trying to work.

“Rylee? Where are you?”

I yawned again.

“Long night. High to you too, Eric.”

“Shit, what has gotten into you? It doesn’t matter. There was a high-profile murder. I sent you the address, but you never responded.”

I pulled the phone away. I’d been asleep for hours.

“Oh, sorry. Sure. Sorry.”

I looked at the address, trying to blink away the sleep blurriness. That couldn’t be right.

“Isn’t that out of your jurisdiction?”

I heard someone yelling in the background.

“No, but it doesn’t matter to you. I need you here now.”

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