Loved me. In the past. Final. “I—”
“You fell for your father’s manipulation. Maybe, this could’ve been forgivable. Your father was a skilled liar. Every one of us had been fooled by his schemes at one point or another, but we always came together and figured it out. That was the pact we made, the one you broke on the day you decided not to tell me about this shit.”
“I was shocked.” I tried not to sound as desperate as I felt. “I was grieving Nix.”
“So was I!” he bellowed.
I flinched. Oh, God. What could I say? What could I do?
“It kills me that you chose to believe your father.” Dash shook his head and massaged his temples. “This tells me that you believed his version of events where I refused to risk my neck to come to Nix’s assistance when he needed me.”
“I didn’t—”
“You swallowed Richard’s lies, hook, line, and sinker.” His knuckles whitened around his cane. “You never gave me a chance to explain myself, to grieve with you. When the pictures showed up, you were eager to believe them. You know why?”
I shook my head, vaguely aware of the tears streaming down my face.
“Because you didn’t trust me anymore.” He considered me with dead eyes. “You were eager to eject me from your life and so you bought your father’s lies.”
“No,” I squeaked. “That’s not—”
“You were ready to believe your father’s lies because you were done with me,” he stated coldly. “Using the circumstances to their advantage is how Astors get rid of excess baggage.”
“You’re confusing me with my father,” I spat.
“Let’s recap.” He sneered. “When Nix died under my watch, you didn’t trust me any longer. You believed your father when he said I failed your brother. The timing of those pictureswas mighty convenient. Being a victim of my cheating was the easiest way of getting rid of me. It gave you the moral out. You made me the villain so you could shake free of me.”
“No!” I cried out. “It’s true that I was confused, but that’s not how I felt.”
“Are you sure?” The question dangled in the air like a guillotine about to fall. “Because you never asked me my version of events. You refused me the opportunity to defend myself. You’ve been out of range for almost three fucking years. You had a chance to fix this, but did you try?”
“I… um…” I’d been too wounded to see beyond my pain, too overwhelmed to reach out.
“You didn’t try,” he said flatly. “And that was the nail inmyfucking coffin.”
He turned his back on me and marched toward the door. Leaning on his cane, his limp was more pronounced than before, but his bearing was as proud as always.
I started after him. “We need to—”
“We need to work together.” He paused by the door and met my stare. “I heard you loud and clear. I’m your only option, the only fool willing to do the work. I’m your tool, have always been your tool, to use and discard when and as you see fit.”
“Not true!”
“Yourtool, that’s what I’ve been all my life.” He flashed a sad smile that made every bone in me ache. “Well, fine. I’ll get this job done, but I promise you, Ms. Astor, this will be the last time I’ll exist in servitude to you.”
“Listen to yourself.” My voice cracked. “You’re not being fair.”
“For once, I’m being fair to myself.” He straightened. “You can’t forgive me for those pictures. You accepted them as afait accompli. Well, I can’t forgive you for believing your father instead of me, for not believing in me. In us!”
“Dash—”
“We’ve got a deal and now we both know what to expect once it’s done,” he decreed with a finality that slapped me in the face. “You didn’t give me a chance before. I don’t expect one now. In your mind, I’m just a cheater, a social climber who only wanted your money. You moved on. Fast. A month after you got rid of me, you started making appearances with the cream of the crap. You were free of me, and you took on the town.”
I hissed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?” The sarcasm in his voice punched me in the gut. “You were on the social columns all the time with lots of eye candy dangling from your arm.”
I lifted my chin in the air. “Do you believe everything you read?”