Page 61 of Dash

“Would it have made a difference to you?” she asked.

“Yes.” A thousand times yes. “Even though I’m a mulish son of a bitch with a subpar EQ, I would’ve understood. You did the best you could for your sisters, for Nix, and for your father—”

“And yet I failed.”

“You are no failure. I never want to hear that word from your lips again. You’re kind, selfless, and caring, and not even your father managed to dent your soul—”

“But—”

“It’s my turn to speak and I need you to listen to me,” I spoke over her. “The clusterfuck between us wasn’t your fault. It was my fuck up. You’re right. After Nix died, I wasn’t in the best state of mind. I felt so guilty for everything that happened. I felt responsible for Nix’s death, for all the wounded members of his unit and mine—”

“You werenotresponsible for Nix’s death,” she declared with conviction that shocked me. “I know you. You did everything you could.”

“Did I?” I let out a bitter scoff. “I couldn’t even bring him to you so we could bury his body. That’s my shame and...”

She waited in silence, her eyes full of tears and compassion.

“I don’t think I can ever overcome my sense of failure.” I managed a hard swallow. “I’ve been a sad, angry, bitter shadow of myself ever since. That’s the version of me you’ve been getting. That’s the asshole who was so unfair and hard on you yesterday. I can’t change who I’ve become with a snap of my fingers, but I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry for causing you pain.”

She bit down on her lip and got ahold of herself before she spoke again. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“It’s a long list.” She managed another crooked grin through her tears. “Thanks for being here, now, listening to me, talking to me, giving me the chance to clear the air between us.For being Nix’s best friend. For being my friend when we were kids and my lover when we grew up. For answering my father’s summons one last time even though you have every reason to distrust him, us.”

“Thena, I—”

“No, please, let me say this.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Thank you for taking care of me after you worked out that I’d been poisoned; for helping me to look for my sisters; for all the trouble you’ve gone through to make sure I’m safe. I… Um… I know I don’t deserve your friendship but…”

“But what?” I asked, hanging on her every word.

“I want it,” she whispered. “I need it.”

My soul came back to life. My lungs filled up with new oxygen. All was not lost. I had hope. She’d given me hope. For the first time in a long time, I felt like being on this planet wasn’t a life sentence. Then I realized that what she wanted from me was not what I wanted from her. It was too small of a dream, even for a man who hadn’t dared to dream in a long time.

***

Thena

“No,” he said, and my chest deflated like a punctured balloon.

At the beginning of this conversation, I’d believed that, if seduction had failed, perhaps honesty might make some headway with Dash. I’d stripped my soul bare, made myself vulnerable to him, admitted to my mistakes, told him all my truths, all my secrets.

But it wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough to heal Dash’s wounds. Tears escaped my eyes. I’d only asked for his friendship. He didn’t even want that.

“No,” he repeated, smashing his words with the clench of his jaw, crushing my heart as well. “I don’t want to be your friend.”

“If that’s your choice…” I felt very small and lonely in thebig limo. I’d known my chances were low, but his rejection still tore me apart.

“I want to be more than your friend,” he said. “Much more.”

I snapped my head up. “What did you say?”

“I want to be your lover again.” The passion he put into his words gusted over me. “I want to be present for you as I haven’t been, now and in the future.”

My mouth fell open. My nails dug into the leather seat. Staring at him, I hunted desperately for a clue that I’d heard him right, that I hadn’t imagined this conversation. I found the clue in the spark that lit up his eyes.

I stammered “You want to be my… my…?”

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