Page 140 of That Last Secret

I don’t look at Brooke, but Ifeelher hands coming up to cover her face. Of course, she didn’t know. Hell,Ididn’t even know.

And now…

“Oh my god.” The realization hits me, and the tears flow uncontrollably. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this,” I say over and over, my voice rising every time the words come out of me until eventually my voice breaks.

I can’t catch my breath, and for the first time in months, I feel like I’m on the verge of a panic attack. The monitor attached to me beeps rapidly, and I look up to see my heart rate climbing.

I’m pregnant.

Logan’s dead.

I’m supposed to be taking my boards next week.

The beeping grows louder before the doctor places both hands on my shoulders. “Emiline,” she says sternly. “I need you to take a deep breath for me.”

I look her in the eyes but can barely make her out through my tears.

I do as she says, but I feel myself breaking with every second that passes because it’s not Logan looking back at me. She’s not giving me a three-hand squeeze. In front of me is not the only person who can ground me and bring me back.

“I know this is a lot to take in,” she says reassuringly as she rubs her thumb along my collarbone and keeps her eyes level with mine. “You’ve been through a lot today, and this news didn’t help. I’m sorry, but we had to let you know as soon as possible.”

I shake my head and work on controlling my breathing again.

“Good job, Emiline. Slow, deep breaths,” the doctor says. “Talk to me and let me help you through this.”

“I…” I start to speak, but the words fall short.

I can’t even articulate words right now, let alone tell her how I’m feeling.

My day has been a roller coaster from start to finish.

I wanted to call out of work tonight, but something told me I shouldn’t. My plan was to spend the day in bed. But after Logan left, I couldn’t go back to sleep. My head just replayed our last year together like a film over and over again.

I tried so hard to force thoughts of him out of my head today.

Because I told him I loved him.

It was a slip of the tongue, but one I don’t regret.

I truly thought we were on the same page. But we weren’t.

He flat-out said I wasn’t supposed to love him.

And now he’s…

I don’t even want to think about it right now, but he’s gone.

I’m pregnant with his child, and he’s just… gone.

Six weeks along? How is that even possible?

“I see the wheels spinning in your head, babe,” Brooke says, taking a seat on the edge of my bed by my legs. She places a hand on my thigh and gives me a small squeeze. “I’m here for you. Iclocked out and I’m not leaving your side. But just so you know, Logan is-”

“Do you have my phone?” I cut her off, not wanting to hear what she has to say.

She nods and pulls it from the pocket in her scrubs to hand it to me.

I shake my head while also waving my hand at the phone because I don’t want to see it. I know I never got to change my lock screen image since he told me we couldn’t do this anymore. It’s a photo of Logan and me relaxing on my couch after one of our many movie nights.

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