Page 150 of That Last Secret

But I can’t even focus on that when all this is happening.

I cried for the insane turn of events that life is throwing me right now.

I felt a sense of relief wash over me halfway through my shower as my cries mixed with the water. I let the stream cascade down my back at a scorching hot temperature.

I’ve been through so much.

Life has tested me in ways I could have never imagined.

This is just another test, right?

Logan’s going to come out fine in the end, right?

The only thing different this time is that I have the support of everyone around me. My struggles are out in the open. I don’t need to do this alone anymore.

That’s why I’m here now, sitting in Logan’s hospital room and trying my best to focus on studying, even though I don’t know if I can even go through with taking this test in a few days.

There has been no change in his condition. They also don’t normally allow visitors to stay overnight. I’m thankful they made an exception for me, and Brooke pulled some strings to get me a small round table in the room so I could get stuff done while I wait.

There’s a knock on the door, and I look up to see Brooke standing there. She’s in her work uniform with her badge at the neck of her scrubs.

“Hey, you,” she says in a low tone. “I wanted to come check on you while I had a break.”

I lift the notebook in my hand. “I’m attempting this, but I’m struggling to focus right now.”

“That’s understandable,” she says, sitting across from me at my small table in the corner of his room. She looks over at Logan in bed. “Any change?”

I shake my head.

“What do you want to do about the board exam in a few days?” she asks.

“I don’t know, honestly. I’m not sure I’m in the right mindset to take it. Plus, I’m not sure I want to leave Logan for that long. You know it can take hours.”

“Do you think you will change your test date?”

I shrug. “I don’t want to. Mostly because I’ve heard of people putting it off once and then they end up putting it off again. Only to repeat it until they never take it.”

Brooke lets out a soft laugh. “I’ve heard that too. Do you think one of your brothers could sit here while you go take it?”

“They might. I’m so scared to leave him and he’ll wake up while I’m gone. I have so much I want to say to him and… tell him.”

My hand instinctively covers my lower stomach.

There’s so much to tell him.

Brooke sits up straighter in the chair, leaning on the table. “I’m going to be honest with you here. Do this, Em. Do this for you. Do this for him. Do this for your baby. Whatever reason you need, but you have to take this test. You’ve worked so damn hard, and I know that if Logan was awake right now, he would want you to take this test. I’m sure he would force you to take it the same way I am.”

“You’re right.”

“I am?” she asks, shocked.

I nod. “You are. I have to stay focused on the future. Whether the outcome here is good or bad, I will need something for myself when it’s done. Logan might wake up and hate me. Logan might wake up and decide he wants to be with me. He also might… not wake up.” I swallow past the emotions in my throat. “I think studying will help me not think of every single bad outcome possible.”

Even saying that out loud, I know it’s a lie.

My brain is in complete chaos right now. I don’t think the material I reviewed before Brooke came in here stuck anywhere.I haven’t slept. I’ve been nauseous just about every hour. I can’t keep food down. There’s a human growing in my stomach. I’m sleeping on a couch that I’m pretty sure is made of wood and not cushion.

Everything around me is falling apart.

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