Page 19 of Christmas for Keeps

CHAPTER6

Zach

The dining roomhad two big windows, and since it was open to the great room, we could see the fireplace too. While we devoured the food, Con asked how I liked living in Vermont. Since nature was something we both loved, I told him about the magnificent things I could get to within an hour’s drive, ending with, “Come back when there’s not a blizzard and I’ll show you around.”

Spots of pink dotted his cheeks. “I might take you up on that one day.”

“Hope you do.”

It was all so domestic—cooking breakfast together, savoring the food while gazing out at the breathtaking view of snow-capped mountains, and talking about shared passions. We’d always had this effortless connection, and losing it devastated me when things had fallen apart. Both of us had acted like strangers.

Yet, as we talked over waffles and bacon, it felt like we were finding our way back to who we used to be. Was there truly a chance we could rediscover that connection and be “us” again?

I’d been awake most of the night wrestling with my thoughts and trying to decide how to get us there. I was tempted to say something when I took him coffee, but that was no way to start a constructive conversation. In the kitchen, when he said we’d talk later, my heart tightened with a mix of hurt and anxiety. I couldn’t shake the fear that he might be going into the same kind of emotional shutdown that had driven us apart before. If we were to get anywhere this time, we both had to be open and honest. While he ate waffles and watched birds playing outside on the wraparound porch, a flood of memories swept over me.

Connor had asked me to call him, promising to tell me if he’d come to New York to visit. I tried to call, then got worried when he didn’t answer. I cried when he texted to tell me he couldn’t come. He wouldn’t answer his phone, and I messaged him to ask again if I could visit him in Boston. He said I should wait until spring break so it didn’t interfere with school.

A week passed with no contact, so I texted him to say I was worried and would come to Boston that day. He called immediately, very cross and ordering me not to come. He said he had the flu and didn’t want me to catch it. The funny thing was, he didn’t sound sick at all. He sounded pissed off.

After that, he didn’t answer any more calls, and if he replied to my texts, it was with two- or three-word responses. When spring break was a week away and he ignored an email I sent trying to firm up our plans, I got pissed off too. He was obviously hurting, but come on. I was his boyfriend, and we’d been together for years. Since he wouldn’t even talk to me, I had no idea what to do.

During his dad’s illness, I was there for him in every way I could think of. After his father died, I stayed with him for three weeks until he forced me to go back to school. It wasn’t long before the radio silence set in.

I loved Con more than anything and didn’t understand why he wouldn’t make any effort to stay in touch. With spring break imminent, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I thought about going to see him whether he wanted me to or not, but the last thing I wanted to do was upset him more than he already was.

Finally, I decided on a plan. I’d text, call, and email every day until break. If he didn’t answer by then, I’d leave him alone for a while. It would break my heart, but maybe if I gave him some space, things would turn around. I didn’t want to lose him, but maybe I had to let him go for a while so he could realize what was important.

“Zach?”

I jumped. Focusing on Con’s perplexed expression, I wasn’t sure how long I’d been lost in memories. “Sorry. Thinking about old times.”

It took him a beat too long to say, “I understand. Why don’t we clean up and enjoy some new times?”

We loaded the dishwasher and took more coffee to the great room, where we sat on the couch looking into the fire. With less than a foot of space separating us, I almost reached for his hand, but thought better of it. He’d needed a hug earlier, but I probably shouldn’t crowd him too much.

We sat quietly, sipping our coffee, until he asked, “Should I call the roadside people again?”

It would probably be useless, but he’d feel better if he did something. “Why not? It would put you on their radar. I’m sure they’ll get out there as soon as they can, but go ahead and check in.”

He asked me about my parents while he was waiting on hold, and I told him they were in Tahiti for the holiday. When he finally got someone on the line, the conversation didn’t last longer than a minute. He heaved out a breath after putting his phone on the coffee table. “Fuck!”

“What?”

“She said they aren’t allowed on the roads today, but they’re hoping they’ll be able to work tomorrow.”

“You’re on their list, right?”

He nodded. “They’ll send me a text when they tow the car in.”

“Well…” Showing him a big smile, I tapped his hand. “Get ready for the best holiday you’ve ever had.”

Con had always been a blusher, and today was no different. He smiled as pink crawled across his cheeks. “Thanks, but don’t you have plans with someone?”

I shrugged. “Only Jackie.”

His smile faltered, and his attempt to resuscitate it was a failure. “Who’s Jackie?” he finally asked, in the same tone you might ask about someone’s carbuncle.

Unable to resist chuckling, I said, “My cat.”

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