Page 27 of Christmas for Keeps

Connor wasin the bathroom brushing his teeth, and I joined him. This used to be our nightly routine, something we didn’t even think about, but things were different now. Standing beside him, knowing we were about to share a bed, was surreal. He had on boxers and a T-shirt, and I wasn’t sure what that signaled.Does he want to have sex, or is sleeping in the same bed part of finding out what the future holds?If we had sex, would I measure up? Con must have had sex since we drifted apart, and we wouldn’t have much of a future if I wasn’t able to satisfy him. Sex wasn’t everything in a relationship, but it was important.

After we spat in the sink and rinsed, he left and I stayed to piss. He was already under the covers when I returned to the bedroom, and I could see he was still wearing his T-shirt. Stripping to my boxers and T-shirt, I got into bed. My mind raced with possibilities since I didn’t know what he expected. Trying for my best smile, I reached for his hand. “It’s a dream come true being here with you.”

His eyes sparkled in the light from the bedside lamp. “It’s been a long time since we were in bed together.”

No fucking shit! And what the hell does that mean? Do you want to be in bed as in doing stuff, or in bed as in there’s an invisible line down the middle? Damn it!

Until this week, the last time I’d seen him was in Boston. I’d gone for a weekend visit, and things were awkward for the entire time I was there. We slept together but didn’t have sex. The first night, he was my little spoon, but the second night, he curled up in a ball. I draped an arm across him, but he said he had to go to the bathroom. When he came back, he stayed at the edge of the bed, as far away from me as he could get.

“Are you okay, Zach?”

His voice brought me back to the present, and I realized I’d lost my smile. Trying for another, I said, “I’m fine. Can I kiss you?”

“Please.”

I scooted close, and our lips met. The moment went from sweet to hot in a few seconds, but as soon as I swept a hand across his chest and slid my tongue into his mouth, he pulled away. I couldn’t stop the disappointed groan that escaped me. Gazing into his eyes, I said, “Sorry if that was too much. I’m not sure what’s—”

“I’d love to cuddle. Will you hold me?”

No, I need more. I’ve missed you so much, and you’re sending me mixed signals.If we could fuck, things would get back on track. The sex between us was always smoking hot, but it wasn’t only physical; we expressed things with it. In college, our initial deal to be friends with benefits was bogus because we couldn’t hide our feelings, and feelings equaled more than a convenient way to get off.

Cuddling was dangerous because I couldn’t be responsible for what my body might do after I fell asleep. Still, holding each other would be far better than leaving distance between us. “Come here.” I raised an arm so he could snuggle close, and when he was lying next to me, his face was almost buried in my chest. Hot breath teased my nipple, which got as stiff as it had ever been. It wasn’t the only thing that firmed up. My cock got as hard as a rock, and I tried to angle my hips away from Con so I didn’t spook him.

“This is nice,” he said, then kissed my chest. “You feel amazing.”

“You too.” After that, we were quiet for a while. We’d never had a problem with silence because we were so connected, but I didn’t like it tonight. I needed to know what he was thinking.

Is he satisfied with cuddling, or is he waiting for me to make a move? What if I make a move, and he doesn’t want it? I don’t want to put him in an awkward situation, but I sure don’t want him thinking I’m not interested.

Making out might clarify things. I shifted so I could get to his mouth, and he responded to the kiss, opening for me when I sought entrance. While I explored his mouth, he slipped a hand under my T-shirt. I did the same to him, and his body’s familiar contours soon had me desperate for more. He moaned into my mouth while I played with a nipple. Letting it go, I moved my hand down his chest and belly and under the waistband of his boxers. My fingers brushed wiry hair, then his hard cock, already sticky with precum.

“Mm.” He didn’t break the kiss but pushed my hand away.

Fuck! Shit damn fuck!

Still kissing me, he moved his hips, and our cocks brushed through our underwear. I wiggled against him, but after another moan, he pulled away.

“Zach?”

“Yeah?

His voice was thick. “Maybe that’s enough for tonight. I want you, but we should take it slow. Make sure this is about more than sex.”

Goddammit! What am I supposed to say to that?“It was never just sex for us, and you know it. You’re the man I love, and I crave you like air. I need you.”

“I need you too, but let’s give it a little more time.”

My sigh was nearly a groan. “Fine. I won’t try to talk you into something you don’t want to do, but I’m ready when you are.”

“Thank you. You’ve always been a perfect gentleman.” He gave me a little peck. “Want to spoon?”

“Okay.”

As he had a thousand times, he flipped over and scooted back against me. He wiggled his butt against my hard cock, and I knew he wasn’t teasing me. It was instinct. After a moment, I shifted my hips so my dick wasn’t touching him. I was human, and there was only so much I could stand.

Soon, his breath evened out, and he started making the sleep noises I remembered—soft grunts and hums. I drifted away and was having a dream about decorating the tree when I woke with a start. It took a few seconds to realize Con was on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress while his lips moved over mine. His warm, musky smell had always made me wild with desire, and I groaned in pleasure. Was he awake or doing this in his sleep?

I wrapped my arms around him and felt skin. If he’d thought to take off his shirt, he was conscious. He drew away from my lips. “I was stupid before. I need you so much.”

---