Page 44 of Christmas for Keeps

My stomach had twisted into a knot I was afraid might never untangle, and when I opened my mouth, I hoped I didn’t throw up. “No, but please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’ll see you later.” He started out of the room.

“Con, please!”

He kept going. When the bedroom door slammed shut, I couldn’t hold back a flood of tears. I buried my face in my hands and tried to muffle the sounds.

He’s stopped talking to me again, but this is worse than what happened before. At least then he didn’t seem so angry.

I put the groceries away and sat in the recliner, nursing a beer. Cardinals played outside in the snow, and for the first time since I moved into my house, they didn’t make me smile.I can’t go through this again. I’ve got to stop it.As much as I wanted to know what was wrong, my instincts told me to wait. Walking in there and trying to force him to talk would only make things worse.

Without any idea of what was going on, I didn’t know how to make things right. We’d been in such a good place when he divided the list.I should never have let him do it, but how could I have known that?

I held my beer at my side, wondering what had gone wrong. Anyone could see we were in love, but was the past hurt too much to overcome? Con told me he hadn’t been upset with me in the past, but he must have been, even if he was too depressed to realize it.

Whatever was wrong, I loved him too much to give up without a fight. But to be successful, I had to find out what had upset him so much.

CHAPTER15

Connor

I threwmyself on the bed and pulled the comforter over my head so Zach wouldn’t hear my sobs. I’d been crying over him for years, but until today, it had been my fault. Now, things were different. Just when I’d allowed myself to believe fate was smiling on us, that we could have a happy future after all, Zach ruined everything. I’d always love him, but I couldn’t live with a liar. Especially when the lies were pointless.

It made no sense. If there isn’t reason to lie, why do it, especially when the truth is bound to come out eventually? I’d been so eager to believe he still loved me, and maybe he did. That’s what made it so pathetic. If he loved me, why sabotage everything? Especially when I couldn’t have held anything he did against him, why lead me to believe something that wasn’t true?

I turned over and tried for the hundredth time to figure out what had happened. Sitting in his SUV in the grocery store parking lot, I’d tried to think about things from different perspectives, hoping to find a reasonable explanation. But every road led me to the same conclusion: Zach lied to manipulate my feelings. Had he not believed I still loved him? Or that I loved him enough to stay? Was that it—was he afraid I might run?

I sort of get it, considering what happened after Dad died. But doesn’t Zach know me at all? I was depressed back then, but doesn’t he see that I’m better now?

Shit! If I don’t put a stop to this, I’ll be trapped in hell forever. If he’s willing to tell a needless lie, how can I trust him?

Why did you do it, Zach? You’ve broken my heart, and I’m afraid you may have broken yours too. What were you thinking?

My thoughts locked into a maddening loop, and I cried so hard I needed to throw up. After running into the bathroom, I retched into the toilet and then leaned my head against the seat, crying again.How was I stupid enough to think we could resuscitate something that was already dead?

Once I got my tears under control, I returned to the bedroom, feeling lost. If only I had someone to talk to about this mess. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks—Abby!

I grabbed my phone and flopped down on the bed. After I found her name in my contacts, I hesitated. What if Zach overheard us? Instead of calling, I typed out a message.

CONNOR: Can you chat for a few? I need some advice.

Minutes passed before she replied with, a simple “yes.” I told her about everything that had happened since our last chat, from our run-ins with Emory to the happiness Zach and I had shared. She was mostly quiet, but when I told her about Zach’s lie—and the irony of Emory being the one to spill the beans—she came to life.

ABBY: How do you know it’s a lie?

CONNOR: I told you, Emory showed me.

ABBY: What a horrible thing for him to do.

CONNOR: I know, just when I was hoping we’d have a future.

ABBY: No, I meant Emory. It was terrible of him to tell you all that.

What the hell?She was supposed to be on my side. I may have thought Emory was a disgusting bastard, but even he cared enough to want me to know the truth about Zach.

CONNOR: I don’t like Emory, but God knows what kind of pain he saved me from.

ABBY: Well, I’m getting an idea of how much pain HE caused you.

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