Page 48 of Christmas for Keeps

I looked at my hands. My future was slipping away like a sheet of paper sliding from between my fingers.

Your future disappeared when he lied to you.

Shut up! Abby was right. How do I know he lied?

Because it makes sense. What guy in his twenties goes four years without sex?

Me?

Get real. Zach was always the horniest guy you ever knew.

Shut. Up.

I shook my head. “Please don’t make me—”

“Tell me!”

“Fuck!” I snapped my head up, glaring at him. I guess we were yelling, after all. “You’re on Grindr. You go on dates. You have guys stay here at the house. The gay men in town think you’re a man slut because you stalk tourists at the resorts.”

His eyes were huge, and though he moved his jaw, no words came out. Surely, any denial would have been immediate and forceful. “It’s true, then,” I said.

“No.” He shook his head, and his voice rose again. “It’s a goddamn, bald-faced lie!”

I had to admit, that was a pretty forceful denial. “Zach, it’s—”

“Who told you that bullshit?”

The lump in my throat returned. “Emory.”

Zach leaned his forehead against his hands and muttered, “That asshole. I will kick his ass to hell and push him in.”

“Is it true?” I asked. “Are you on Grindr?” Emory had shown me Zach’s profile, complete with a photo and his preference: “Top.” I said a quick prayer that Abby had been right and Emory faked the profile.

Zach raised his head. “I don’t know. I used to be, but—”

“Oh.” The room spun, and my heart froze. “I see.”

“No, you don’t.” He gave a frustrated groan. “Why does it matter? You and I didn’t talk for years.” He flinched, perhaps realizing what he’d admitted.

I fought to take a breath. “So, youhavegone on dates, then?”

“What the hell did Emory—”

In no mood for his stalling, I raised my voice. “Have you gone on dates, Zach?”

“A couple. I didn’t—”

“Be quiet. I don’t want to hear any more lies.” The crushing pain was worse than anything I’d expected. It wasn’t because he’d seen other people; I had no right to judge him for dating when we weren’t together. It hurt so much because I had confirmation that he hadn’t told me the truth. I’d been hoping there was some explanation, that he’d deny it and we could get to the bottom of things together.

“They aren’t lies! You’ve been the only man for me since the day we met. I haven’t—”

I held up a hand. “This was a mistake. How can I be with someone I can’t trust?”

“I never had sex with anyone! Who knows if I’m still on fucking Grindr? And how do you know one way or the other? Areyouon it?”

“No,” I choked out. “Not since freshman year of college, before I met you.”

“My God!” He crossed his arms and hugged himself. “Two years ago, I decided to try to get on with my life. I assumed you were gone forever, and I was so lonely. I signed up for Grindr, but I never met anyone from there. Hell, I never logged on more than three or four times, and I don’t think I even have the app anymore.” He pulled his phone from his pocket and swiped through the screens. Holding it out toward me, he said, “See, no Grindr. Look for yourself.”

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