Page 107 of Broken Ice, Mended Hearts

The familiar ache tugged at my heart, exactly as it had when I announced my decision following our last game. “Nah, I’m getting too old. Besides, there are other things I want to do.”

Cleevs sighed, and though we’d discussed this several times before, he looked genuinely stricken. “What will I do without my D-partner?” He glanced down, and his eyes were teary when he raised his head. “You were the first guy who spoke to me when I got to Bethesda, even before Stick. Remember how you invited me to lunch and asked if I wanted to hang out?” He glanced at Drew, then back at me. “I was devastated after the trade from Chicago, and I’ll never be able to tell you…” He paused longenough to clear his froggy throat. “I’ll never find the words to say how much that meant to me. How muchyoumean to me.”

“You just did, buddy.” I got up and went to the couch. “Get your fucking ass up and give me a hug.”

We held each other for a moment, and when we let go, it was with a great deal of manly backslapping.

“Love you, Gags,” he said, sitting back down.

“Love you too,rövhål.”

“What’s that mean?” Cleevs asked.

“Means D-man.”

“Why do I think that’s bullshit? Should I ask someone in town?”

When I turned to go sit down, Sven was wearing a smirk. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he told Cleevs. “Some things are best left alone.” After I sat, he cupped his hands around his mouth and stage-whispered, “Means asshole.”

Cleevs shook his head. “The fuck am I not surprised?”

We all laughed, and Nick looked at Sven. “How’s retirement going for you? It’s been a year now.”

Sven smiled, and I held myself back from going after his lower lip. “I like it. More time to do the things I want to, and I enjoyed doing commentary for ESPN last year.”

“Don’t you miss playing?” Drew cocked his head and waited a few seconds. “I worry about that for me. You’ve played all your life, and suddenly it isn’t there anymore.”

“You bet your fucking ass I do.” Sven paused, and I could tell he was gathering his thoughts. “I miss it all, the play, the workouts, even the morning skates. But it’s the guys I miss most, the camaraderie. Hanging out on roadies, that kind of thing.”

“Why’d you do it, then?” Jacob asked. “You’re only a little older than me, and if I didn’t have my charity work, I’d really miss practicing law.”

“After the accident, I never healed right to play. I’m fine for everyday life, but when I went back to the game, I’d lost a lot of my speed, and my reactions were slower. I was also in pain sometimes. Then I got to thinking how many young guys were out there, excellent players, waiting for their opportunity. I’d had my chance, and I made the most of it, so I gave someone else a turn.”

Knowing he’d get emotional if he kept talking about it, I interrupted. “It’s fantastic having you all here. I hope we don’t grow apart now that Sven and I aren’t playing.”

“No way,” Cleevs said. “You’re our brothers.”

Drew leaned forward. “Sven, I think we’ve been tighter the last year than we were when you were playing. It’ll be the same with Gags.”

I couldn’t resist a snide laugh. “No way I’ll let you fuckers experience life without Gags the Great. Since I’m not playing, I’ll have more time to think of fun things for us to do.”

“Oh, God,” Sako said dramatically, “not more side trips to museums that have been closed for years.”

Blake laughed. “That sucked. Took up half a day, and it was raining so hard by the time we got there and walked to the place, it took two hours to get Ubers back downtown.”

“What are you talking about?” Sven asked.

Eckie answered. “We were in Seattle, and Gags was determined to see some logging museum he’d heard about. It was closed when we got there, and the sign on the door was so faded you could hardly read it. It turned out the place had closed about five years earlier.”

Everyone laughed again, Sven hardest of all.

“You’re laughing at your own boyfriend?” I did my best to look hurt.

“In a heartbeat.” He elbowed me in the ribs. “Want me to do it again?”

“Let’s be serious for a minute.”

Nick had put on his captain’s voice, so we gave him our attention.

---