Page 29 of Broken Ice, Mended Hearts

“And here we both are today, two NHL D-men.”

“Yep.”

Sven leaned his upper body in my direction and lowered his voice. “You’re the first D-man I ever messed around with. Judging from that, I’ve been missing out.”

The burn in my cheeks competed for attention with the sudden stiffening in my shorts. I looked away, but what the hell? Since when had I been shy about sex? Meeting his eyes, I smiled. “It was fucking fantastic. Maybe…” I bounced my eyebrows.

He winked. “I’m in.”

We finished stretching and sat up. I wasn’t quite ready to move to the weights, so I asked something I’d been wondering about. “When did you come out?”

“The year Nick Johnson started playing in the league. I’d been wanting to do it, but I was scared. Once the Cudas signed him after what he went through, I couldn’t be silent any longer.”

“It was a huge deal. I mostly buried my head in the sand, but I remember a lot of guys came out that year.” I paused until he met my eyes. “It took guts, Sven. Is it too late to say I’m proud of you?”

“Never too late, and thanks. There’s room for everyone to play hockey. I was happy to hear the Cohos drafted Morris, the gay player from Brandon. Did you hear about it?”

“I don’t live under a rock. Morris is the first openly gay player to be picked number one overall since Johnson. He’s a phenomenal goalie, and he’ll make a huge difference.”

“Seattle may become a threat again.”

I didn’t answer because something else was on my mind. If Sven and I were friends, he deserved to know the real me, so I blew out a long breath. “I’m not proud of it, but I had conflictedfeelings about gay players for a while. My thinking was screwed up. I said some stupid things that hurt my teammates, and I’m ashamed of that.”

Sven kept his expression neutral. “We all have to learn things, Pip.”

“Obviously, I couldn’t play here and not come to terms with gay players, but no two ways about it, I was an asshole. Now, those guys are my best buddies. I’d be the first one to break a nose if anybody insulted them.”

Sven wasn’t smiling, but he didn’t look hostile. “I’m glad you got a handle on it. Will you get a handle onyounow?”

That hit like a rocket, and when my throat tightened, I worked hard not to cry. He offered a smile and looked into my eyes. How the almighty fuck could I have kissed him the way I did and still feel confused? “I have to,” I said, “because if I don’t figure out my own shit, I’ll never be happy. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’ll do better.”

He scooted close and rubbed a hand on my thigh. “Whatever’s going on, you’re working on it. That’s all you can do, and I’ll help if I can.”

Seeing my chance to break the tension, I put on a snarky grin. “I’ve got a good idea how you can help.” I bobbed my eyebrows. “After our workout?”

His expression didn’t change. “Definitely not opposed to that, but it’s not what I meant. I’m here for you, if you’ll let me be.”

Afraid to say anything, I nodded and waited for the lump in my throat to shrink. “Noted, and thank you. I’m lucky to have you in my life.”

“Same.” Instead of getting up, he launched into a story about playing in Sweden and transitioning to the NHL. It was a kind way to allow me to collect my emotions.

“You went right to the Condors,” I said. “No minor league stints, and you got a lot of ice time. You were good then, and better now. Glad you made the switch?”

“Absolutely. It was the opportunity of a lifetime.”

“Ever think about going back home?”

He sighed. “Sure, but I don’t know. My grandparents are dead, and I don’t have any other family there. Sweden’s amazing, though. I guess it depends on whether I find my forever person, and if I do, where he wants to live. Would you like to go back to Quebec someday?”

That was a question I’d asked myself countless times. “Maybe, but my situation is like yours. I don’t have any family left there, but I love the place. I guess it would depend on my forever person too.” Neither of us moved, and I said, “Boston’s a great city. I wouldn’t mind living there again if the opportunity ever came around.”

“That’s right, after juniors, you played for Boston.” He narrowed his eyes and twisted his lips into a funny smile. “You were cute when you were eighteen. Baby-faced with a real hungry gleam in your eyes.”

I chuckled. “Have you been checking me out on the web again?”

“You know it.”

“Playing for the Beanies was a rush, and the team was home base for seven years. But although Boston was first, the Cudas are home. I’ve never enjoyed hockey so much.”

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