“The fuck are you talking about?”
He reached for my hand. “It’s different with you. I’ve never experienced that kind of orgasm with anyone.”
“Not even your wife?”
“No.”
“How about that guy?”
“Danny was…” Pip’s expression turned sheepish, and I realized he was hesitant to continue.
I squeezed his hand. “We both have pasts. Tell me.”
“He was nice. Cute and small. But I only… I never blew him or anything. We fucked—I fucked him, to be exact. Things wouldn’t have been any different if he’d been a girl. Does that even count as having sex with a man?”
I almost laughed, but when Pip’s anxious eyes stopped me, I said, “It definitely counts.”
“It’s so different with you. You’re his opposite, and I loved having your cock in my mouth, seeing how it made you feel. And what we just did? Holy fucking shit, that was mind-blowing.”
“Holy fucking shit is right. If I’m a magician, you are too.”
“This is a great idea. It’ll get us over the hump until we find the ones we’re meant to be with.”
My stomach twisted as he reminded me of what “this” actually was. I understood he was rationalizing things in his own mind, so why did it feel like a stab? I knew we weren’t a couple, but after yesterday’s phone call and the morning we’d just had, I’d gotten carried away in the fantasy department.Fuck reality to hell.This wasexactly what I had to guard against. If I keptreminding myself that we were friends with benefits and would never be anything more, I shouldn’t get hurt, right? I put on a smile. “We’ll have fun this summer while we figure things out.”
Chapter 9
Sven
Our heart-to-hearton the shower floor had clarified my thinking, at least as far as reminding me we had no future as a couple. As I got to know Pip more, it was obvious he embodied all the qualities of an ideal boyfriend, a realization that teetered on the edge of bittersweet because he wasn’t interested in that role. I tried not to let disappointment overshadow our growing friendship because I enjoyed his company so much.
We settled into a comfortable rhythm, spending more time together than apart. Our days were filled with workouts, shared meals, epic video game battles, and action-packed movie marathons. Scorching sex became part of our routine, proof of our mutual attraction and profound horniness. As the flames of lust flickered, keeping my heart in check proved to be a challenging feat.
Pip and I were on our way out of Cuda Arena following a workout one day when his phone chimed. He pulled it out of his pocket to read the text, then looked at me. “Blake and Sako are back in town for a few days. They want to get together for lunch.”
I’d met Blake and Sako at a charity fundraiser last fall in New York. They had been friendly and super fun to be around, and I’d like to see them again, but the idea made me a little nervous. “Do you think it’s all right if I tag along?”
“Sure. Sako said ‘you and Holmer.’”
My mind stuttered. “How did they know to invite me too?”
Pip’s cheeks flushed, something that didn’t happen very often. “I talked to Blake the other day, and… I hope it’s okay, but I may have let it slip that we’re hanging out.”
“Hanging out orhanging out?” I asked, needing clarification. “Do they think we’re only friends?”
He blew out a breath and shook his head. “Please don’t get mad, but I might have said you and I are maybe more than normal friends. Blake and I are tight, and I’d trust him with my life. Remember when I didn’t text you back for a while on the Fourth of July weekend? I got in touch with him then and asked for advice.”
“And you’re only telling me this now?” My voice was too loud, so I raised a hand and took a moment to collect myself. Being openly gay, I shouldn’t have cared who knew about us. Pip was one of the most attractive men I’d ever met, and if we were boyfriends, I’d have shouted it from the top of the Empire State Building. “It’s fine. I’m sorry I yelled. Not sure why.”
But Idoknow. I have to keep everything top secret when what I wish I could do is tell the world.
That he’s your boyfriend?
Yup.
“I didn’t say who you were back then, and Blake and Sako won’t tell anyone now. They want the best for me.”
I leaned in and whispered, “Whatever you’re comfortable with. I’m proud to be hanging out, but I wish…”