Page 42 of Broken Ice, Mended Hearts

Am I in love with him?

No, I most certainly am not.

Pip and I were nothing more than friends with benefits. We’d enjoyed a lot of good times together, and I’d had the best sex of my life, but what I was going through was fate’s reminder that I should rein in my feelings and come to grips with reality. It was time to let go of this empty hope for something more and look for a life I could actually have.

I tried to convince myself of the logic, but the ache in my chest persisted. The vulnerability of caring for someone and not knowing where you stood was a torment I hadn’t felt in a long time.

But—youdoknow where you stand.

Shit. I knew it, all right. Pip was the taker he’d always been, and I’d gone back to being the pushover I always was.

I picked up my book and lost myself in its world for a few more hours. Many of the things I read were disturbing, and after a scene in which one of the men disappeared, and the otherwas brave—or reckless—enough to go looking for him, I couldn’t concentrate any longer.

Taking a deep breath, I found my phone and debated about whether to send Pip a message or let the drama between us play out. After much back and forth, I opted for the latter. Yet the internal debate continued—if he contacted me again, should I confess my feelings or keep them hidden to protect myself?

As the minutes ticked by, I couldn’t shake the insecurity that had settled in my chest. I wished I could be more casual about it, as if Pip going out with someone else didn’t affect me, but I cared much more than I should have. Fuck it. How many times had I thought that in the last weeks? The uncertainty of where we stood left me feeling exposed in a way that both thrilled and terrified me.

I found my book and went back to reading. In the middle of a scene in which the characters were professing their love for each other, the insistent ring of the doorbell brought me back to the present. “Coming!” I yelled.Who the fuck can that be?I rolled off the couch and made my way to the door, where I was stunned to find Pip in the hallway, looking uneasy. He said nothing, and after a moment, I hesitantly stood aside.

He came in and shot me an anxious look. “I’m glad you’re home. I was afraid you might have gone out.”

I closed the door before saying, “I’ve just been reading.”

What the goddamn fuck? Just been reading? The source of my nervous breakdown is standing in front of me, and I’m giving him another pass?

He threw his arms around me and pulled me close. Astoundingly, I kissed him. It was little more than a peck, but when I drew away, he came in for more. Following a deeper kiss, he went boneless in my arms and lay his head on my shoulder. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too.” I caught a hint of alcohol on his breath, but he wasn’t drunk. Stepping back, I said, “Sit down. Need some water?”

“Maybe in a while.”

When he settled on the couch, I chose a chair to the side.Distance, Sven. Stick to the plan.

He couldn’t hide his disappointment as he patted the sofa cushion beside him. “Come sit here. I want to be near you.”

Like a puppet controlled by some unknown force, I moved to the couch and asked about his evening.

“It was fine.” His tone hinted otherwise. “Blanton is between vacations and wondered if I had any ideas about how he could get more ice time next year. He thinks he could contribute better if Shuford let him play more.”

“The eternal frustration of young players,” I said. “I’m sure you gave him good advice. Where did you guys go?”

He frowned, and though it didn’t seem directed at me, he was unhappy about something. Looking at the floor, he told me about having steaks at a new restaurant, then going to a nearby bar for a drink. After repeating himself twice, he met my eyes. “A woman came on to me while we were there.”

The penny drops.I worked to keep my expression neutral and suppress a surge of jealousy. “That’s good, right? Was she nice?”

Pip lowered his gaze again and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “Very nice. Hot. A guy Blanton knew was there, and since they’d gone to play darts, I talked to her for a while.”

Something seemed off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Given Pip’s usual horniness, I half-expected to hear tales of fucking in the coatroom, but he was too subdued for that to have been the case. Maybe she shot him down. “What happened?”

He raised his eyes and shrugged. “Nothing. Like I said, we talked. She told me about her new condo near the Navy Yard and asked if I wanted to see it.”

My heart drummed as I swallowed a mix of relief and lingering unease. “Sounds like she was angling for more than giving you a tour. Did you go?”

He sighed, a heavy exhalation that betrayed a deeper turmoil. “No. I’m not ready to see anyone, you know that.”

His vulnerability struck a chord, and I softened my tone. “Pip, we’ve never promised each other exclusivity. We’re figuring things out.”

“But you’re not either, are you? Ready to see anyone else?”

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