Page 44 of Broken Ice, Mended Hearts

He chewed his lips for a moment. “It’s not that. You’re welcome here anytime because I care about you too. I’m glad you came, but it seemed unusual under the circumstances.”

“Why? We’ve been seeing a lot of each other.”

He brushed some imaginary lint off the sofa and spoke softly. “I’d gotten the idea you didn’t want to see me last night. Then you showed up and told me a woman had come on to you. You said she was hot, but you weren’t interested in going home with her. Reminds me of what happened when we were at the beach.”

I finished my coffee while I mulled that over, then set the mug on the table. “What made you think I didn’t want to see you?”

He shrugged. “Like you said, we’ve been spending a lot of time together. It caught me off guard when you said you were going out with Blanton and didn’t invite me along.”

If this was headed where I suspected, he might hand me an opportunity to talk about what was on my mind. “Why did you ask about the woman and bring up what happened at the beach? Just because someone’s interested doesn’t mean I have to be.”

He rolled his eyes. “Pip, you have a certain reputation, and I know firsthand how horny you are all the time. Since you went out with a guy from the team and didn’t even ask if I wanted to go along, I wondered if you were looking for someone who wasn’t me.”

“No, I?—”

“We have fun together, but I don’t know what that means to you, especially on a deeper level. I don’t know if it meansanything. I’ve tried hard not to have expectations, but your story about what happened last night seems off. What aren’t you telling me?”

“Off?” My voice was too loud. Sven was taking us in the direction I wanted to go, but maybe I wasn’t ready for it after all. “Are you accusing me of lying?”

“No.” He gave me a hard look. “Not tome, anyway, but you may be lying to yourself.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I was more hurt than I should have been last night. Shit, I shouldn’t have been hurt at all, which shows how much we need to talk about what’s happening with us. We should come to a clear understanding before one of us gets his heart broken.”

“What the fuck?” That damn bird was banging around in my chest again, and I couldn’t help yelling. I wanted to talk to him about this, but I needed to do it in my own way. By pushing me, he was bringing out my worst, so I took a deep breath to stop myself from saying something I’d regret. Although my frustration level had gone through the roof, I didn’t want to fight with him because he was right—we had to talk. Still, I was nervous because if I wasn’t a hundred percent sure of how I felt, should I tell him?

“Did you hear what I said, Pip? We need to talk before someone gets hurt.”

Sven’s soothing voice, combined with the pleading look in his eyes, helped my heart slow down. I took a steadying breath. “I don’t want anyone to be hurt. Don’t you believe I care about you?”

“Yes, but apparently not enough to?—”

“Please stop and let me finish.”

Nodding, he held out a hand. His expression was guarded, as if he dreaded what I was about to say. My stomach knotted up again, and my defenses teetered on the brink.

Easy, I told myself.I’ve got to talk to him, just like I was thinking about this morning.I spoke quickly before I could back out. “It was a lie, Sven.”

He stiffened, turning his head to the side. “Whatwas a lie?”

“We were both lying to ourselves, thinking we could have sex and go out, but it didn’t need to mean anything. Of course it means something. Nobody can spend that much time together and do the things we’ve done without having it mean things.”

“I’ve tried…” His eyes teared up, and he stared at the ceiling. “I’ve tried so hard not to develop feelings for you. I’m sorry.”

He has feelings for me!I’d already figured that out, but hearing him say it made my heart take off for the races. Oddly, although his honesty should have made it easier for me to say what was on my mind, I now had a new case of jangling nerves. There was no longer any doubt I could hurt us both badly.

Should I tell him things had gotten out of control, that I needed to step back? No, because that would immediately put us both in a world of pain. Yet, if I drew our relationship out and walked away later, the hurt would be even worse.

I hid my face in my hands, trying to decide what to do.If I leave now, I’ll never know the answers to my questions.I steeled myself, then lowered my hands and sighed.

Sven was staring at me, his face grim. “Go ahead and say it. It’s not like I haven’t heard it before. Messing around with straight men is stupid, and I always feel like a fool when it’s over.”

“I…” My voice cut out, making me huff in frustration.It’s only three fucking words. Say it.I opened my mouth again, but it took my voice a few seconds to slide into place. “I’m not straight.”

He pulled his head back and widened his eyes. “You’re not?”

“Fuck it,” I blurted, my voice cracking. “You know I’m not.”

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