Page 45 of Broken Ice, Mended Hearts

“I thought you were about to… What are you saying?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m bi, but who knows? Who the fuck even cares? The only thing I’m positive about is how much I like you, which is a whole goddamn fucking lot.”

It was hard to breathe, and my heart seemed about ready to burst. Seconds stretched into an eternity while I focused on the smallest details—the way the sunlight dappled his hair, how his tangy musk mingled with the faint aroma of coffee.

A hesitant smile crawled across his face, but his eyes remained cautious. When he spoke, his voice was little more than a murmur. “I thought so, but I wasn’t sure you realized it. It took courage for you to get this far in your head.”

His words, laced with understanding, were a lifeline. I had laid myself bare, and relief washed over me, along with a new kind of vulnerability. “I’ve been in denial, and like I said, I’m still not sure what it all means.”

He shook his head. “I’m confused.”

“I’ve known I wasn’t totally straight, at least since I messed around with the guy in Montreal. But since I never did it with anyone else, I chalked the whole thing up to curiosity.” Sven hadn’t lost his smile, but it had shrunk. I clenched my fists a few times before going on. “This summer with you has been amazing, and I’ve kept telling myself how great a thing it’s been to tide me over, but I can’t deny it anymore. What we have has been much more than that.”

“It has, and it’s a good thing you’re admitting it to yourself.”

“I’m sorry I’ve upset you so much.”

“Mixed me up, mostly. Hurt me a few times. Last night, I decided I had to tell you how I felt, and then you came banging on the door and confused me again.” He tugged at the hem of his gym shorts and made a nervous sound in his throat. “You must have figured out how much I like you. I was worried that…” A shadow flickered across his face. “Never mind.”

“Say it.”

“I could tell I meant more to you than you let on, and I was afraid that had scared you away.”

Acid filled my stomach, not mixing well with the coffee. “You thought I was using you?”

“No, at least not like you probably mean it. I was afraid I’d chased you off.”

“NowI’mconfused.”

“If you hadn’t already realized I had feelings for you, you must have known it after our trip to the beach. I acted like a jealous fool.”

I snickered. “So, youwerejealous. I wondered, but I wasn’t sure. You said you were scared.”

He twisted his lips into a crooked grin. “Einstein wouldn’t have to worry about any competition from you.”

The humor, fleeting as it was, eased the tension, and we both stretched and shared a sigh of relief. Afterward, our eyes met; the intense gaze was full of unspoken desires, and the longing between us crackled like electricity.

As much as I wanted to kiss him, more had to be said. Needing to know how he wanted to move forward, I gathered my courage. “I didn’t invite you to go with us last night because Harper said he wanted to talk about something important. That was the only reason.” I stared into Sven’s eyes, hoping he’d understand. “But I won’t deny that when the woman approached me, I considered going home with her. I wondered if fucking her would help me understand my feelings about you.”

He shifted in his seat as a deep crease appeared between his eyes. “Do you still need to fuck a woman to understand?”

“No. When she asked me over, everything fell into place. Call me thick-headed, but her invitation was all I needed to put things into perspective.”

“But if?—”

“Don’t you get it? She was hot, but I didn’t want to go home with her.” I drilled my eyes into his, willing him to hear me. “I wanted to see you. Needed to be with you.Cravedyou. That was terrifying and thrilling and a giant revelation all at once. It’s why I was so messed up when I got here. I think I was in shock, because I didn’t know how to say what I was feeling.”

“Which was?”

I took a moment before answering. “I really like you, but right now, I can’t make any promises except that I’ll treat you the very best I can and try not to hurt you. If you think I’m too much of a risk, say so. It won’t be easy to hear, but I think I’ll understand.” I waited while he drummed his fingers on the arm of the sofa. After a while, I asked, “Is that what you want, Sven? For me to go?”

He shook his head. “No, but we have things to discuss. Let’s have more coffee first.”

I needed to clear my mind, so I jumped up and grabbed our mugs. “I’ll get it.”

Chapter 13

Sven

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