Page 65 of Broken Ice, Mended Hearts

“Yes, but I acted like a jerk.”

I couldn’t deny he’d had some asshole moments, but there was no need to go into that now. It was a short-sighted way to view things. I stopped, and when he did too, I smiled at him. “We wouldn’t be in this relationship now if you hadn’t had time to come to terms with what you needed. I don’t want you carrying around a bunch of bad feelings about things that resulted in more good than harm.”

He shuffled on his feet, then reached down to pick up a rock. “Thanks, but I wish… Shit.” Looking a lot like one of the baseball pitchers I loved to watch, he wound up and threw the rock into the distance. The light was fading fast by then, so we lost sight of the rock but heard it hit something hard—hopefully a tree—at the end of its flight.

“Fucking amazing,” I said. “Maybe when you retire from hockey, you should consider going into baseball.”

Instead of responding to that, he finished his thought from before. “You’re right that there were eventually some benefits to the shitty way I acted, but I wish we’d had more time.”

No one was nearby, so I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Whatever was happening, that time was ours. You were figuring things out, and so was I. We were both recovering from being hurt, and I tried to resist you too. It was a rough time, but if we hadn’t processed our feelings, we wouldn’t be standing here tonight.”

Amid the sounds of evening, Pip glanced around before leaning closer. He placed his hands on my hips, and after a hesitant nibble, kissed me. As I wrapped my arms around him, a low moan escaped me as powerful emotions transformed my initial excitement and nervousness into hopeful anticipation. Nothing worthwhile had ever come easily in my life, and he was worth all the effort and more. We’d both worked damn hard for each other, and life could be ours if we wanted it.

Chapter 18

Gags

The Next Day

I pulledinto the garage and listened to the juddering hum of the closing door, part of me wishing it could go on all night to mask the silence waiting inside. In the kitchen, I took a beer from the fridge, hoping some alcohol would lighten the weight in my chest. After chugging it, I grabbed another and headed upstairs. The steps seemed unusually steep. My legs were heavy from the hellish first day of training camp, made worse by the emotions I’d been fighting since Sven left.

Entering the bedroom brought me to an abrupt stop. This morning, Sven had been here. We’d fucked, showered together, and dressed side by side before going downstairs for breakfast. Since we’d both parked outside, I watched him drive away before I got into my SUV and left for Bethesda. I battled a trembling chin and full throat the entire way there.

A hint of his cologne still lingered in the air, and I inhaled desperately, like an addict snorting a line of cocaine. My heart, already heavy, doubled in weight, and my eyes were drawn to thebed. Crossing the room, I reached for his pillow and held it to my face. The scent of his woodsy cologne, the familiar tang of his sweat, and a hint of his shampoo were too much to bear. My eyes filled with tears, and I sank to the edge of the mattress and cried.

Had I lost the only person who ever truly cared about me? It was one thing to be together all summer when we had nothing else to do, but in the frenzy of real life, would we realize it had all been a fantasy? Would he get so busy with the season he’d forget me?

Some fucking D-man I am, crying like a baby because I miss someone.

But it isn’t just anyone I’m missing. It’s Sven. I found myself again this summer, thanks to him.

I plucked some tissues from a box on the nightstand and dried my eyes, then took out my phone. There were no new texts from him, but I pulled up our message thread and smiled while I scrolled through.

SVEN: Made it to the airport and onto the plane. Wanted to let you know and say I miss you.

Ten minutes after he sent that, I’d found the message and replied.

GAGS: At Cuda Arena now. The place is crowded AF, and I liked it better when it was just you and me. Have fun and don’t be a jackass.

On lunch break, I’d found a follow-up from him.

SVEN: You’re probably being the jackass. We’re at the arena in Charlotte and it will be one hell of an afternoon.We won’t finish until 7:00, then there’s a group dinner. Miss you.

GAGS: Eckie and Cleevs have been nice. Said I can talk to them anytime since they went through this last year. I’m eating lunch with them now. Can we talk tonight?

GAGS: BTW miss you too, asshole.

On my way home from the arena, he’d texted again.

SVEN: Yeah, I’ve been hanging with Jack and Drew for the same reason. They’re missing their guys. Knowing you were eating with Eckie and Cleevs made me smile, like it’s a connection. I know that’s BS but whatever works. We have another hour of skating here, then dinner. Can I call you from the hotel later? Prob about 9:00.

Placing a hand on his pillow, I sighed. Fucking hell, we were carrying on like junior high kids. It was ridiculous, especially since he hadn’t even been gone for twenty-four hours. We’d get over this angsty shit in a few days and deal with the situation. That’s what hockey players do—deal with things. It was only eight o’clock, so I figured he was still at dinner.

GAGS: Def whatever works. Call for sure. Or even better, FaceTime. I need to see you.

I stood and stuffed my phone back into my pocket. Some tough guy I was, begging for a phone call.

I ate leftovers from our Mexican feast while I waited, but he didn’t call. By eleven o’clock, I was worried as shit andprocessing a thousand awful scenarios. I jumped when my phone buzzed with a message.

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