Page 73 of Broken Ice, Mended Hearts

He scoffed. “I told you. You’re very special.”

The emotional tidal wave started in my feet, then rushed up my legs, invaded my torso, and threatened to make my head explode. “That’s all? I’m fucking special? How the hell can you even say that?”

“Incredible, special, tremendous.” Squinting into the phone, he pressed his lips together, and when I was about ready to scream, he added, “You’re my partner.”

He kept piling up meaningless words, and I’d had about all I could take. Gritting my teeth, I barely managed to keep my voice even. “I’ll ask you one more time. How do youfeelabout me? What emotions do I bring out in you?”

“Damn it, Sven, what the fuck do you want me to say?”

A lump the size of Manhattan materialized in my throat, and it was hard to talk. “Maybe that I shake your world and youcan’t stop thinking about me from morning till night. That I’ve changed your life, and you can’t live without me. That it’s killing you for us not to be together.”

“Yes, all that.” His eyes darted around, and he was breathing hard. Finally looking back into the phone, he asked, “Okay?”

Time stopped as my heart slowed to the pace of a giant tortoise, and I hung my head.

“Sven? Are you all right?”

What had I expected, opening my heart for a man who hadn’t known what he wanted to begin with? I was the ultimate self-sabotaging fool. I either fell for someone who wanted to use me for material things, or someone who wanted to find new ways to get their rocks off. Who knew what I made Pip feel, or what “incredible” or “special” meant, but they were nowhere near telling me I was the light of his life.

Pierre Gagné had become the center of my universe. I’d built a dream on clouds, thinking I wasn’t in love with him, convincing myself that we could just have “feelings” for each other. I’d ignored the inferno that roared within me when his eyes touched mine and convinced myself being “partners” was enough. I’d believed it was safe to be patient and let him come to terms with how he felt. Someday, we’d fall in love, and who the fuck knew? We might even buy a dog and build a picket fence.

“Babe? Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” Last summer, he’d been a fantasy who climbed into my bed; now, he was a face on the screen of a stupid phone. “You answered my question.” I pushed the words through my aching throat. “How can I be upset with somebody who thinks I’m ‘very special’? Because I wake up every day with my only goal being to get back to you so we can live our life, why should I expect you to feel the same way?”

“Sven, what?—”

“You are the center of my world, and I don’t want to be partners. I want to be the love of your life, the person who completes you. But you think I’m ‘incredible,’ and that’s so nice. I’ll bet you think Nick Johnson’s pretty incredible too.”

“What are you talking about? I make time to talk to you every day.”

My breath stopped, and my heart nearly stopped with it. Feeling heavier than the Earth itself, I gaped at him. “Make time?I love you, and youmake timefor me? It breaks my heart to know you don’t love me too, because I can’t imagine a life for me if there isn’t one forus.”

He couldn’t have looked more shocked if I’d hit him between the eyes. “You love me?”

“Yes, you stupid ass. I have for a while, but I was too caught up in your fantasy of being ‘partners’ to admit it.”

“It’s not a fantasy. I want to be with you.”

With his wide eyes and wrinkled forehead, he looked sincere. I glanced away from the phone while visions of my life since our dinner at Alex’s flashed through my mind. It had been a perfect summer for a romance story, and a perfect autumn for a broken heart.

“You want to be with me?” I asked.

“I do. Don’t you know that?”

“All right, if you can answer one question with the word ‘yes,’ I’ll do whatever’s necessary to be sure we stay together.”

He tilted his head away from the phone. The beads of sweat already on his forehead seemed to multiply, and his voice was little more than a whisper. “What question?”

“Do you love me?”

He glanced away, and in that gut-wrenching moment, I knew the answer. After blinking at the wall and tugging on his ear, he turned back to face me. “We said we were partners. I like you so much, but love… I’m not sure. I need time to think.”

My limbs were like dead weight, and I almost dropped the phone. “I see. Why don’t you call me one day when you figure it out?”

“Sven, I didn’t say I?—”

“Have a good night, Pip.”

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