Page 90 of Broken Ice, Mended Hearts

I stared at him, determined not to smile, but I lost the battle.

Boring his eyes into mine, he said, “Youare the most important thing in my life, and I won’t leave you right now. I’ll go back when you’re well enough, but if you think you can get rid of me this easily, your concussion was even worse than they thought.”

“Just promise youwillgo back.” He opened his mouth, but I shook my head to stop him. “I appreciate you taking care of me, but my accident can’t mean the end of your career.”

“I’ll go back when you’re able to take care of yourself, and not one minute earlier. This is an argument you will not win, so stop trying.”

I swallowed hard. “Okay, then. Thank you.”

After he leaned over for a kiss, we let go of each other’s hands and relaxed into our chairs. A peaceful silence settled between us while I considered what he’d said. “The most important thing in my life” left no room for interpretation. I believed him, but I wanted to know what had brought him around to that realization after the fight when I asked how he felt about me.

While I decided how to raise the subject, I drank lemonade and enjoyed the view. The house was on top of a hill, with a gentle slope leading down to the road. Since Chevy Chase is a city neighborhood, the houses were close together, even though they were all large and beautifully maintained. I could see far enough in either direction to notice the gentle S-curve of the road, which was lined with trees to give the residents some privacy.

“What an amazing place this is,” I said, barely stopping myself from saying I could stay here forever.

“We can live here forever if you want to, babe.”

What the fuck? I know I didn’t say that out loud.Our eyes locked, and my heart skipped a beat when all I saw was sincerity. “You’re not joking, are you?”

“No. I love you, Sven, and you may as well get used to it, because I’m not going anywhere. I want to be together, not as partners, but more.” He curved his lips into a beautiful smile. “We need to figure some things out, but as long as we love each other, nothing is insurmountable.”

I glanced out the window, and the colors on a tree across the street gave me courage. “What changed your mind?”

“About what?”

“Loving me.”

He tilted his head. “I didn’t change it.”

“That night, when I asked if you loved me, you said you didn’t.”

“No, I said I wasn’t sure.”

“If you’re not sure you love someone, then you don’t.”

Narrowing his eyes, he asked, “Are you trying to pick another fight?”

“No.” I kept my voice soft. “I’m trying to have a mature discussion so I can understand what happened.”

“Oh, man.” He gently rubbed his hands together, as if he’d applied lotion. “I knew how I felt, but I didn’t have a word for it.”

“But you do now?”

“Yes.”

Though I was happy to hear that, my stomach tightened—not because I doubted him, but because I still didn’t understand. I was wary of pressing him, but if we didn’t get this out, I’d always wonder. “I’m so glad, but I need to understand what happened between the argument and when I woke up in the hospital.”There it was, the fear that was fueling this interrogation. “Was it because of the accident? I can see how that could have messed with your emotions enough to make you think you feel?—”

“I don’tthinkI feel anything, damn it. Iknow.”

He’d raised his voice, but I pressed on. “Then please explain what made you realize you loved me.”

Turning away, he stared out the window. I stayed quiet because whatever he had to say, he needed to do it on his own.

“It was the possibility of losing you.” He turned back and looked into my eyes. “When I thought we might be over, I realized how much I’d be giving up. Losing you would mean losing a huge part of myself. You accepted me for who I really was, and I’d never had that before. Last summer, I could tell you weren’t sure about me for a while, and I certainly gave you reason for doubt.”

“So you?—”

“It was that day at the beach, when you got upset after the woman tried to pick me up. You were jealous, but there was more to it. There was fear in your eyes—panic, even. I hated that and wanted to protect you, but I got irritated when you wouldn’t believe I wasn’t interested in her. There was something about that day, realizing I didn’t want her, that I only wanted you. What I needed was exactly what you were already giving me. In my fucked-up way, I knew then I never wanted to lose you, but I didn’t know to call that love.”

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