Page 70 of Pageant

“You think I would give the cops anything after what they did to me? Do I really have to spell it out for you?”

“What are you talking about?”

Her eyes squeeze shut and she screams, “They killed my baby, Elyah.”

A wave of ice-cold shock slams into me.

“You think I ran to the cops and gave them anything after they murdered my child? You were there when they invaded my life. Did I fake my distress? Am I such a good fucking liar that I timed my miscarriage just to mess with you?”

I cling to a handful of feeble arguments for dear life.Ivan hit you. Maybe you wanted revenge.You’re a liar, and I can’t trust anything you say.

But other memories are louder. Her chalk white face as we stood together in her living room, hatred and fear filling her eyes as she watched the cops pawing through her belongings. Her ice-cold flesh and the way she trembled in fear. Strangers—enemies—were in her house and had arrested her husband. That home was all she had. That baby was all she wanted.

“I never loved my husband, but that house was mine, and it was where I felt safe. Did you know that when I was a child my own father forced me out of my home? He abandoned me at eleven years old, and I was never so scared in my life. Watching those police in my house, I was reliving the worst day of my life. I thought my child would be safe from the world in Ivan’s home and would never suffer like I did, but the police trampled all over that.”

I picture Lilia lying in that hospital bed, pale in her hospital gown with dark circles beneath her eyes as she whispered,Maybe it’s better this way. Look at what I was bringing a child into.

A wave of shame and horror overwhelms me. Why the fuck didn’t I realize this at the time? I saw her every day while she was pregnant. She was glowing like she was made from sunshine itself. The cops tore away all her happiness, and yet I was still certain that she had run to them to seek revenge.

Pain fills her eyes as she gazes up at me. “Do you know when I fell in love with you, Elyah?”

I grip her arms, relief pouring through me as she speaks of love. Maybe it’s not too late. “Tell me, please.”

A smile hooks the corners of her mouth. “It was the day after I told you I was pregnant. You’d been so jealous and angry, but you told me you were sorry. You confessed that you did like children and gazed at me with so much longing that I realized I wanted to be married to you. Not to Ivan.”

I cup her cheek, stroking her soft skin with my thumb. “That was the first day you ever touched me. Do you remember? You put your hand on mine. I have never forgotten.”

“I’ve never forgotten either,” she whispers.

My heart swells with happiness.

And then crashes back to earth again. Lilia isn’t a liar, which means I’ve tortured the woman I love. And yet she reaches up to cup my cheek, those sea-green eyes filled with soft emotion. Her touch feels like absolution, and she’s the only one who can forgive me.

“I love you, Lilia. I do not deserve anything from you. I should rot away alone forever for what I have done to you. But I love only you and I always will.”

“I love you, too,” she says, her voice cracking and tears spilling over her cheeks. “But it hurts to be loved like this, Elyah. We have to say goodbye.”

She’s not going anywhere, not now that I have her back and I know the truth. I’ll find a way to make up for all my cruelty. I won’t rest until I’ve made this right.

Lilia shifts in my grip. Her foot slips. Or maybe she pushes herself off. She plunges from the table, and something tightens savagely around her neck.

The noose. I forgot the fucking noose was still around her neck. Rope that I put there. Her hair tumbles around her face and she makes a hideous choking sound that’s quickly cut off.

“Lilia!”

I grab her with both arms and pull her back up onto the desk. I try to stand her back on her feet, but her legs buckle beneath her. I fight to keep her weight off the rope and loosen it with both hands, but she’s a dead weight and I can’t manage both at once. Every time I let go of her to loosen the rope, she slips in my grasp and the rope tightens further.

“Someone fucking help me,” I roar. I can feel Konstantin and Kirill watching me through the glass, but the doors stay closed. They want this over. Lilia has been eliminated, and now she needs to die.

Her eyes are bulging and her lips are turning blue. I grasp the rope above our heads and pull it with all my strength. The muscles in my arms and shoulders burn. I grit my teeth so tightly they could shatter.

With a roar, the hook snaps off the ceiling. Lilia and I tumble onto the carpet and land in a heap of tangled limbs.

I wrench the rope from around her neck and fling it aside, but Lilia’s not breathing. I pinch her nose and cover her mouth with mine, forcing air into her lungs. I do it again and then a third time. The taste of panic fills my mouth, bitter and shocking.

My lips are crashing over hers for a fourth time when she suddenly coughs, spluttering weakly as her chest heaves. Relief pours through me as she opens her eyes. I wrap my arms around her waist and haul her against me.

“Lilia. Oh, thank God, Lilia.” I pull back and shake her shoulders. “Why did you do that? What the fuck were you thinking?”

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