Page 76 of Pageant

Lilia

Nine years earlier

“Yeah, yeah, do we rock? Yeah, yeah, take it to the top!”

The chant we learned at cheerleading practice circles through my brain, and I sing it as I walk. The September sunshine spills gloriously across the sidewalk and my ponytail swings from side to side. As I sing, I bounce along, my backpack thumping against my back in time with the tune and my mother’s locket jingles on the chain around my neck.

It’s not happiness bubbling through my chest and making song burst from my throat. It’s defiance. Everyone in this town hates my guts, but am I going to let them see how much that hurts?

Hell goddamn no.

The streets around school have emptied out and there are just a handful of other students on their way home from glee club, football practice, and cheer squad. I’m only two blocks from home when someone steps out from behind a hedge, pulling me up short. To my dismay, I see it’s Seth, the class bully. He’s been held back a year so he’s bigger than everyone else. I’m the tallest girl in my class, but he still towers over me and he’s stocky as well.

I try to pass him but he sidesteps and blocks me.

“What?” I toss at him, going for bravado, though my heart is racing. School has been a nightmare this year. Over the summer, Dad was questioned by the police about a fire at a strip club, and there are articles about him in the news every day. Stolen money. Dead bodies. Missing people from years ago. Everyone’s been staring at me like I’m some kind of freak.

Dad didn’t do anything wrong. He told me so himself, though he said it in a strange way.“What do you want to believe? That I didn’t do it? Then I didn’t do it.”

It felt like he was asking me if I still wanted to believe that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were real, long after I should have outgrown them.

“My dad says your dad beats people up if they don’t pay their rent,” Seth taunts. “He says he makes his money from whores and he’s going to pimp you out when you’re old enough.”

“He doesn’t need me when he’s got your mom,” I fire back.

Seth’s mouth drops open. While his brain is still chugging over my insult like an old laptop, I step smartly around him and keep walking.

“Yeah, yeah, do we rock? Yeah, yeah, take—hey!”

Seth has reached out, grabbed hold of my locket, and tugged. The chain snaps and he holds it above my head.

“Give that back,” I demand, jumping up and trying to snatch it back. Mom gave me that locket before she died. She pressed it into my hands as she lay sick in a hospital bed, her flesh as transparent as tissue paper and her eyes sunken.I’ll always love you,Lili-bean.

Seth gives me an evil smirk. “I’ll hand it over if you show me your boobs.”

My head rears back in shock and disgust. My boobs? I’m eleven and I barely have anything to show. I’ve inspected myself in my mirror from the front and from the side, and sure I look a little different than I did just a few months ago, but I look weird, and I don’t like what my body’s doing without my permission. I definitely don’t want to go showing myself to the most horrible boy in class.

“Ugh, gross. No way.”

He holds out his hand, dangling my locket over a storm drain. “Do it or I’ll drop this.”

“Don’t!” I wail, snatching at the locket as anguish floods my body. Seth just laughs. I know I’m doing entirely the wrong thing by reacting like this. I can hear Dad in my head, scolding me for handing over so much power to my enemy.

Lilia, you must never show your hand until you have to. Wait until you are sure of victory, and then strike.

I desperately search for a way to claim back my power.

“Three,” Seth counts menacingly. “Two.”

“Wait!” I stare down into the drain. It’s deep, and I can just make out water glistening in the darkness far below. If my locket falls in there, I’ll never get it back.

I grasp the hem of my T-shirt, stare off to one side, and flip it up and down lightning fast. “There. Are you happy?”

Seth is grinning wider and shakes his head. “Nuh-uh. The bra, too. I want to seeeverything.” He leers at me, waggling his eyebrows.

What everything? I barely have anything to show. It’s not even a bra. It’s a bralette, a crop top with bra straps that you pull over your head, though it was humiliating enough showing that to him.

“If I sayone, this locket is going in the drain,” Seth threatens.

---