Page 58 of Chaos Demons

I had no clue. I’d have to talk to Harmonia about this… again later. For now, I just accepted it as a gift and surged into the sky.

Once I was high enough, Fen wasn’t hard to spot.

The wolf was indeed massive, tall as a high-rise, bounding through Queens and carving huge swaths of destruction as his massive jaws consumed everything in sight.

Oh, Fen, no!

My heart broke for him. My adoring, peaceful daemon was causing so much pain and carnage. I knew he’d hate himself for it and I had to stop him.

I figured the best place to start was to use my newfound love aspect and try to connect with Fen. Talk to him like I had with Grey.

I flew closer, circling high over the raging beast as I focused all my love and affection and desire for this wonderful man. Then I pushed my thoughts out to the savage-looking wolf.

FEN

I’d never lostcontrol of my wolf before. For hundreds of years, I’d kept it contained, until now. And it was the most horrific experience of my very long life.

It would have been far better if my consciousness had been completely subsumed and hidden away inside the beast, but it wasn’t. I was aware of everything my wolf was doing, the catastrophic destruction and death I was wreaking on the city. A rampage which had begun… in madness.

Melinoe had hit me with a wash of madness and nightmares which had shattered my will. I wanted to blame her, but the truth was, if I had been stronger, I might have been able to keep control.

I’d held out as long as I could, focusing on Ana’s voice, still playing in my ears. But I’d been writhing, thrashing, trying to shake off Melinoe’s nightmares, and I must have dislodged my earbuds.

After that, I’d been lost to madness as all my worst fears had consumed me.

Fear of my father and the many invisible strings he used to control my life for his nefarious designs.

Fear of losing control.

Fear of losing Ana.

That had been the worst of them all. I’d been plunged into a nightmare, holding the dead and bloody body of the woman I loved as I screamed at the heavens. I’d seen her die over and over a thousand times in a second and that had broken me.

My wolf had taken over.

Yet, even my wolf couldn’t escape Melinoe’s madness and I’d learned what my world-ending beast feared most. I had never wished to know what a world-ender’s nightmare might be, but I knew now.

Apparently, there were two things my wolf feared. The first was Vitharr, son of Odin, who, according to the tales, would kill Fenris after Fenris had consumed Odin. The figure loomed large before us with his gleaming sword and we charged him, consuming everything in our path. Then his sword plunged into our heart and his strong hands clasped our all-consuming jaws and tore us asunder.

A horrible, painful death for a horrible beast that had caused so much pain. And yet… there was a second fear that loomed within my beast.

Fenris feared even more what might happen if Vitharrdidn’tkill us. My wolf was driven to destroy and consume and apparently it had considered what would happen if it consumed everything. Once the world was gone, there would be nothing left for it but a gnawing hunger which could never be fulfilled. We’d be left in the void, forever ravenous, with nothing left but the pain of our unending voraciousness.

I’d experienced both of those horrid fates for what seemed like an infinity of madness before I’d slowly begun to regain myself.

But by then it had been too late. I had been a passenger in my wolf, watching as it had continued its unstoppable reign of terror.

I’d tried to rage against my wolf and regain control, but it had been impossible. My beast was unleashed and nothing in this world — except perhaps Vitharr — could stop it.

I’d given myself over to despair and self-loathing, hating myself for not being strong enough, for losing control, and for all the pain I had inflicted on so many innocent people.

And into that well of despondent misery… an angelic voice sought me out.

Fen?

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This had to be a delusion. I was imagining Ana’s soft and tender voice.

But then it came again.

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