Page 12 of Oliver

Turning around to see him standing there, the boy I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since that night, who had invaded every moment of my existence the last three months, who was making it harder and harder to convince myself that marrying a woman was what I wanted, that what we had done was just a change of pace, was the last thing I expected. It was killing me, knowing that he was Amanda’s son.

Hunter.

No, I was not okay right now. I was very far from okay. I knew he had put two and two together and realized that when we’d fucked it had been during the time that his mother and I were an item.

God, how could I be so stupid? But I had no way of knowing that Hunter was the boy who’d had me so utterly captivated, so smitten, so enthralled, so wanting, that I had let myself do something I never imagined I would do.

Hunter, the beautiful, sexy, young man who had done things to me that I had only ever dreamt about. Amanda’s son. My fiancée’s son.

How could this be happening? How could things have gone so disastrously wrong to end up here? Would Hunter say something to his mother? We were supposed to be leaving for a road trip in only a few days. How were we going to be in such close quarters with each other, traveling together, and pretend like we hadn’t fucked? Twice. Like he hadn’t turned my world upside down.

Bloody hell.

“I’m fine, darling,” is my answer, as I pick at my meal, my stomach in knots, nausea building. I’ve got a tension headache brewing as well. Reaching for my water glass, I take a sip and will it to help me settle, even the tiniest bit.

“Dinner is really good,” she replies, taking another bite. “I’m sorry Hunter couldn’t join us.”

“It's quite alright,” I tell her. “I’m sure he’s tired. We’ll have plenty of time together over the next month.”

She nods and reaches over to squeeze my hand. I manage a small smile. “We’ve got the RV rental secured. I’ll be at the office until the day we leave, so if you and Hunter want to pick it up?”

I nod. “Of course.” I’ve never been in an RV before, so it should be an experience. Normally I would just stay at a hotel, but Amanda assures me it’s a wonderful way to vacation, andenjoy the different camp sites, and I am up for trying something new. Besides, she told me this was how she and Hunter used to vacation and she wanted to make it enjoyable for him.

How enjoyable will it be, I wonder, if I’m along?

We finish our meal and load the dishes into the dishwasher. Amanda turns on the water and starts to wash the pots and pans. “You want to go check on Hunter while I finish up here?” she asks. “See if he’s up for eating anything before we pack up the leftovers?”

The severity of my headache is increasing at the thought, my stomach knotting further, but I nod, and make my way up the stairs to Hunter’s room. Fuck, I’m shaking like a leaf as I reach up and knock on the door lightly. “Hunter?” I say, trying to keep my voice from shaking as well as I say his name for the first time. “Your mother sent me to ask if you would like to eat yet?”

When there’s no answer, I sigh, and twist the knob, slowly opening the door and peeking inside. Hunter is lying on his side, facing away from me, his phone in his hand. Only the lamp on the nightstand illuminates his frame.

“Hunter?” I say again quietly. “Would you like to eat?” I want to talk to him. I want to apologize to him, to tell him I never intended for this to happen, to try and explain. But I don’t. What is there to explain? I fucked up, and he unwittingly was party to it. How he must hate me. I can’t blame him at all, because I fucking hate myself. Though I don’t know if there’s ever been a time where that wasn’t the case.

He doesn’t turn to look at me. “No, thank you.”

“There’s plenty of leftovers if you change your mind,” I say, and then shut the door before making my way back downstairs.

I watch a movie with Amanda, the entire time lost in thoughts of Hunter, of Amanda, of how I’ve inadvertently ruined their relationship with each other, all because of my greed, stupidity, and selfishness. Because of my lack of self control, myown desires, and curiosities. The one time I actually let myself be reckless, let myself indulge, and it’s come back to bite me in the arse more than I ever even considered possible.

Even if Amanda never finds out about Hunter and I, things will undoubtedly never be the same between them again. I’ve put him in an impossible situation. The honorable thing to do would be to confess everything to her and leave Hunter out of it. He didn’t know who I was, and while I didn’t know who he was either, I did know I was cheating. But the thought of saying anything terrifies me, and the thought of Mother and Father finding out, of the wedding being canceled, is enough to make my heart rate spike and sweat break out on my forehead. This wedding is all I have left. It’s my last hope, the lifeline to keep me from drowning. If I can marry Amanda I can forget all of these ridiculous fantasies of being with a man. Everything will fall into place.

Hunter doesn’t come out for the rest of the night, and when Amanda and I make our way up to our own room across the hall from his, the faint light from underneath his doorway is gone completely, telling us he’s asleep.

When Amanda curls up with her head on my chest I tell myself the same thing I’ve been telling myself for months now.It’s for the best. Amanda is kind, intelligent, hard working, beautiful, and she puts up with my parents. She’s everything a man could want. Exactly the kind of woman my parents expected me to marry.

When she leans up and kisses me, I kiss her back, but I can’t help thinking about how her son’s lips felt against mine. Free of make up. Fuller, the bottom lip slightly more so than the top, the smell of his peppermint breath and the orange scent wafting off of him that I’ve clung to, all these months later. I never thought I would see him again, and now that he’s across the hall from me I don’t know what to do. And even though guilt and shame washover me, I can’t keep my thoughts from straying to him when Amanda’s hand slides down my pants, wishing it was his hand around my cock.

When she wraps her lips around my erection it’s his hair I want to grab on to, his eyes that I want looking up at me. When I come moments later it’s his name that I have to keep from falling from my lips.

It’s for the best, I tell myself over and over again, as I drift to sleep with her in my arms.

HUNTER

When I wake up, it’s daylight, and the sun is splashing light across the room. Rolling over slowly, I check my phone and see it’s nine o’clock. Mom will be at work and hopefully so will Mr. Two-Timing Bastard.

I groan and place a hand over my eyes as I try to reconcile myself with the knowledge that the man I haven’t been able to stop thinking about for three months is in my house, marrying my mother in only two months.

What the actual fuck? Logically I know there’s no way I could have known it was him when we slept together. Neither one of us gave our names, I had never seen a picture of him. He never bothered to fucking tell me he had a girlfriend. I never would have fucked him if I’d known. I know this isn’t on me.

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