“You know,” Adam elaborated. “In the cenote. And the hall on the boat. And that bit in your stateroom with the table and…”
“Oh!” Ellie exclaimed, finally catching on. Her cheeks flushed—which did not help Adam’s concentration. “But why are you apologizing for that? I was hardly an unwilling participant.”
“Maybe that’s true,” Adam returned stubbornly. “But it’s still not right. I was being…irresponsible. And selfish. I’ve just been blundering along without thinking of the consequences.”
Ellie seemed surprised by the sharp change in his tone. “I see,” she said carefully.
“I wanted to let you know that it’s not going to happen again,” Adam declared firmly. “I’m going to stop acting like a cad and give you whatever time you need to figure things out.”
Ellie went still. “Figure things out?” she echoed quietly. “What does that mean, exactly?”
Adam shifted uncomfortably where he stood on the paving stones. Something about her tone didn’t sound right, but not in a way he could pin down.
This was the responsible thing to do, he reminded himself firmly. He owed it to her.
“You know,” he explained awkwardly. “Just… where you want all this to go.”
Ellie hugged her arms over her chest. “Where I want this to go?” she repeated tightly. “Is that… what this is about? Have you just been waiting for me to come to my senses and be reasonable about things?”
“Huh?” Adam replied, thrown.
Ellie’s tone sharpened, hurt flashing behind her hazel eyes. “Because it’s reasonable, of course, to just smile and go along with an institution that oppresses an entire gender—that has caused untold harm to countless women forcenturies…”
Her tone sparked a quick flare of panic. This wasn’t how Adam had expected the conversation to go. He was trying to do the right thing. Why was she getting mad at him for it?
And then his brain caught up with his gut as certain words from her tirade cut through the fog of his fear.
Institution. Harm. Centuries.
“Wait a minute,” Adam cut in quickly. “Are you talking about marriage?”
Ellie frowned at him. “Yes. Aren’t you? Isn’t that what you were asking? When I was going to change my mind?”
“No!” Adam burst out in return. “I don’t want you to change your mind about marriage!”
“You don’t?” Ellie echoed, clearly confused.
“Ilikeyour mind!” Adam pushed back forcefully. “I like that you don’t just pretend everything’s okay when it’s not! That takes a hell of a lot of courage and integrity. Why would I want tochangethat about you?”
“But if that doesn’t change, we’re never going to get married!” Ellie threw up her hands.
“So?” Adam retorted.
She stilled again, her eyes going wide and vulnerable. “Is that not…? I mean, I suppose I had just assumed that you…”
Her voice trailed off, and Adam could hear the hurt in it. It cut at him like a knife.
He was screwing this up again—fumbling into a disaster like someone who couldn’t get out of his own goddamned way. He moved closer to her on instinct as though physical proximity could make up for the fact that he couldn’t seem to get his foot out of his mouth.
“No!” he insisted, and then flinched. “I mean—yes! But…”
“Because you mentioned something about seeing it as a necessity back in British Honduras,” Ellie hurried on tightly. “And that was before we had engaged in certain…”
“I did!” Adam confirmed quickly. “And I would still—absolutely!—if that was what you—”
Ellie stiffened. “I told you before, I have no interest in being someone’s obligation.”
“You’re not my obligation!” Adam burst out.