Page 52 of Enticed

But when they start crawling and walking, or better yet talking back—yup, that’s when I’m out. I relish in the fact that I can send them back to their mom’s and dad’s andtheyhave the responsibility of making sure they don’t turn into little assholes.

Don’t get me wrong—I love my friends’ kids because they’re a part of them. And I love being fun Auntie Clara. I love buying the birthday presents that make the most noise and the biggest mess. I love watching the kids give their parents a run for their money—the miniature versions of themselves ruling the household. But the idea of being responsible for another person is still a daunting task in my mind, and I’m sure when it’s my turn, karma will rear its ugly head.

“Yes, I would rock the shit out of that at Tony’s. I’m going to find the adult version and save it for our next girl’s night out,” Perry replies, winking in my direction.

“Then I’d better find it in a different color so we can match.”

Ever since my friends bombarded me at my house and asked me to share with them the details of my attack, I feel like the four of us are back on solid ground. These women are my family—and holding that secret from them was altering our friendship. Over the past few weeks we’ve reconvened our brunches and I made sure to spend some time at their houses with each girl individually. It cut into my time with Cooper, but he was understanding about it. And as much as I wanted to continue to invest my free time in him, I had to remind myself that my girlfriends will be the ones that will remain if this all goes to hell.

Well, at least I hope they will be.

I was finding myself becoming dependent on him—or maybe it was just this need to see him every day. Not only a need but also a want. After I let him stay the night with me when the girl’s left, I woke up from the best sleep I’d had in months—and I’m pretty sure it’s because I had him next to me—the warmth of his body, the feel of his massive presence, the pure man beside me that makes me feel like I have nothing to fear. I started to crave him even more and I’veneverwanted to spend this much time with a man in my life. It’s freaking me out—the idea that I’m becoming dependent on him—so I knew that distance was the only way for me to feel like I could regain some control.

I still feel guilty about hiding my relationship with Cooper from my girls, especially Olivia. But my fear is still more powerful than my guilt. And until I can own it and understand it, I need to keep this between Cooper and me.

“Nursing pads. I’ve heard I can’t have too many of those,” Olivia jokes as she retrieves the Costco-sized box from the bag in front of her.

“Believe me, you can’t. You will hoard them and stuff them everywhere—your car, your purse, the diaper bag, your desk at work—because there is nothing worse than walking around like you came in second at a wet t-shirt contest,” Amy chides as the women around her burst out in laughter.

“And that right there is why I’m not ready to have kids,” I point at Liv as Perry chuckles beside me.

“You do want them one day though, don’t you?” She follows me further into the kitchen as I reach for a brownie. “I feel like you never really talk about your future, Clara.”

“Because I don’t like to think that far ahead. Although lately, I guess I’ve been thinking about it more... maybe it’s because I’m getting older or the thought of having someone next to me every night makes me want that life. But I don’t know that I’ll get there…” I admit as I chew the chocolatey goodness.

Cooper’s presence in my life has made these thoughts more prevalent lately for sure. I could see him in my kitchen, cooking dinner for me in the evenings. Or pushing a kid on the swings at the park. I could get used to him lying next to me in bed every night, his arms wrapped around my body, pulling us together so closely that I don’t know where he ends and I begin.

“Well, you need to get back out there if you think that’s something you’ll want, eventually. Maybe we need to get you on a dating site… or maybe Nathan knows someone at work that is single… We could set you up?”

Nausea hits my stomach tenfold. The last thing I want is to go on a date with another man. The only man I want to date is Cooper, and we can’t even go out in public like a normal couple because I’m too afraid.

“Uh yeah, maybe. But I’m not sure I’m up for dating just now…” I lie, hoping she buys it.

“Why? You seem to be doing well. Your job doesn’t have you travelling like you used to…” she eyes me suspiciously as I skirt around her and find some more food to distract me. If I keep eating every time I’m trying to cover up my lies, my shorts aren’t going to fit by the end of the summer.

“I just don’t want to, okay?”

“Why not? Give me one good reason,” Perry stands in front of me, blocking my view of the living room so I have no choice but to look at her.

“I’m kind of already seeing someone,” I whisper as her eyes go wide.

“Seriously!” She shouts and then covers her mouth. “Sorry,” she turns around to apologize to the rest of the guests who all turned to see what she was screaming about, before yanking me by the arm and pulling me outside onto Kane and Olivia’s deck.

“Okay, spill. How the hell did Inotknow you were seeing someone? Is it new?” Perry motions for us to sit in the Adirondack chairs and I reluctantly agree. I know I can’t back out of this conversation now, but the least I can do is offer enough details to appease her.

“Yes, it’s new. And I’m not sure what it is yet, which is why I haven’t said anything.”

Perry looks up to the sky as the wheels spin in her head. “Gosh, this makes so much sense. This is why you haven’t been bragging about your sexual escapades and this is why you haven’t been around as much, isn’t it?” Her head tips back down so she’s staring right at me now.

“Kinda,” I say, looking out over the yard.

“So who is it? Do I know him?” She leans forward in her chair, propping her chin in her hands resting on her thighs.

“I’m not ready to say.”

“So I do know him.”

“Maybe,” I mumble, hoping to God she’s not as intelligent as I know she is. Because if she figures it out…

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