Page 77 of Enticed

Clara

“Where’s my baby?” I greet Liv as soon as she opens the door to her house.

“Well, nice to see you too,” she says as she pulls the door open wider for me to come through. “I swear, since I had this baby, no one cares about me anymore.”

I pat her shoulder playfully as I step inside and search the room, zeroing in on Evelyn in her swing, the sweet lullaby music hitting my ears and instantly calming me. “Yup. Baby trumps the mom, Liv. You should know that by now.”

“She’s right. When I had my two, everyone just wanted to see the baby, hold the baby, feed the baby,” Perry adds as she comes from the hallway, surprising me. “With the first one it was annoying, but as soon as the second one came along, I was all for it. Yes, please take the baby,” she says while mimicking handing over a bundle of joy to someone else.

“Hey, Perry,” I softly speak, almost afraid of seeing my friends again since the Fourth of July. I know I saw Perry for a little while the night Liv gave birth, but tonight all four of us are meeting to clear the air. We’re just waiting on Amy to arrive it looks like.

“Hey, Clara,” she replies while pulling me in for a hug. The sting of tears starts and I roll my eyes as I fight the urge to cry already. I swear, in the past eight months of my life, I’ve cried more than I had in the first thirty-one years. “How are you doing?” She tilts her head to side as she asks me that question in the way only a mother can, her blue eyes offering me a comfort when I’m actually incredibly nervous for the conversation about to take place.

“Ugh, it’s been a long five days.” That’s right. It’s only been five days since my outburst at the party and Evelyn was born. Since the baby is brand new and Liv is still healing, we all decided to meet at her and Kane’s house tonight to make it easier on her.

“I bet. You hungry?” She turns towards the kitchen and I follow her where boxes of pizza top the kitchen island. The pizza smells amazing, but my appetite hasn’t been too strong. In fact, heartbreak has done weird stuff to my body that I’ve never experienced before. I’ve heard other people and even my girls talk about going through a break-up and how their world feels off-kilter—but the process is one I’m not familiar with at all.

But here’s what I knownow: sleep is restless without Cooper’s warm body next to me, food doesn’t taste the same—especially if it’s something we shared together, and all I feel is this boulder in my chest where my heart used to be but I’m not so sure it still resides. I have no desire to eat, all I want to do is sleep even though I can’t, and I can’t concentrate for shit. My assistant has been extra cautious around me, especially when she reminded me of a trip I have next week in Boston, which made me burst into tears at the thought of being away from Cooper even though I already am since we haven’t spoken since Saturday and I assumed we were done.

“I guess I can try to choke down a piece. Food just isn’t that appetizing right now,” I snicker while grabbing a slice and slapping it down on a paper plate. Perry offers me a soda from the fridge, and I grab the items and find a seat on the couch.

“I wish that was my problem,” Liv interjects. “I can’t stop eating. It’s like I’m pregnant again, eating for two. I’m just going to gain more weight at this point.”

“That’s because you’re nursing. You’re burning so many calories, you need the extra fuel. Don’t worry, Liv. You can work out later when you’re done healing. Just be gentle with yourself right now, okay? Society puts this unrealistic expectation for women to magically shrink back to pre-pregnancy weight after you have kids. Like, excuse me? I just grew a person! Give me a minute, alright?” Perry shouts in the room, the volume of her voice alarming but she’s on a rant, so Liv and I just roll with it. “And hey, you know what? Your body probably won’t ever be the same again, and that’s okay too,” she tears off a bite of pizza and gnaws on it like an animal. “Food is too good not to enjoy.”

“Thank you, Perry, I think,” Liv widens her eyes at me and then we both start to chuckle.

As our laughter subsides, the doorbell rings, signaling the arrival of Amy. When Liv opens the door and Amy steps inside, her eyes instantly find mine and I watch them well with tears as her hand flies up to cover her mouth. Sobs wrack her body as Liv pulls her in and I jump from the couch, walking over to them and holding Amy as well. Perry walks up behind us and the four of us keep each other tight in an embrace, hands and arms looping around one another, tears flowing, emotions pouring out.

It’s rare in life that you will have friends like I’ve been blessed with—women who aretrulyyour friends. I know they would never intentionally hurt me, they will give me the truth when I need to hear it, and they will be there beside me, even when I don’t deserve their support. The same goes for me with them. Because even though these three women are in my opinion, three of the best people to walk the planet, that doesn’t mean that we aren’t all human and make mistakes, act with our emotions instead of our brains, and don’t deserve forgiveness when we mess up. We fight and love like we’re married—because in my mind, we are. They were all my first loves, the ones who taught me how unconditional love really is. And they’re stuck with me, even when we’re all stubborn and mess up.

It took me a few days and an appointment with Dr. Martinez to come to this realization before tonight, but I’m glad I did because it gave me some much-needed perspective. After hearing Amy’s words which influenced my outburst, I was furious with her and myself for letting them affect me like that. But I know there’s a deeper reason behind Amy’s reaction to my news, and tonight we all need to talk it out and be honest with each other.

“Okay, okay.” Liv breaks the hug first, as the rest of us follow. “I already have tissues on the coffee table, so let’s sit and get it all out.”

We move into the room, gather more pizza and drinks, before kicking off our shoes and settling into the furniture.

“Who wants to go first?” Perry looks between Amy and I since our issue is the primary reason why we’re here.

“I will,” Amy starts, clearing her throat and wiping her eyes. “Clara, I am so sorry,” she croaks as her tears start to flow again. “I never meant to hurt you. I don’t even know why on Earth I would say something so hurtful. That isn’t me!”

“I know it isn’t, Amy, which is why I was so caught off-guard. But at the same time, if you said it, surely there was some truth in your thoughts behind those words. Hearing you say that you honestly don’t think I’m capable of changing and wanting a relationship hurt me…”

“I know. It’s just… you’ve never been the relationship type, so when Perry said that, I was shocked. Then add in the anger I was already feeling because of my own shit, I just created this twisted perception of what you were actually doing instead of searching for the truth. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

“You’re right. I’m not the relationship type and never was until Cooper. But people do change, and I want to be with him. I was so scared to say something because of the type of reaction that you had exactly. And so I hurt him in the process instead of coming clean.”

Liv chimes in. “That’s the thing, Clara… you kept it all a secret—from us, your three best friends. That’s the part that still baffles me,” she shakes her head. “I’m positive you once said you were too busy to worry about what others think of you, that you didn’t have time for that because you were too busy plotting world domination,” she chuckles.

I prop myself up higher on the couch and place my plate on the end table. “I’m not proud of it, okay? Mostly I encouraged us to keep it quiet because of you Liv, and how unsure I was about your reaction. But also, I think part of me didn’t want to make a big deal about it because it was the first time I really felt something more for someone, and if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want to admit failure. I rarely care what other people think about me—but that really pertains to my job and how I live my life. Love was never part of that equation—and then when it was, it was so unfamiliar that I didn’t know how to navigate it and apparently still don’t.”

“People fail in relationships all the time, Clara,” Perry adds. “It doesn’t mean you’re a failure in life. Sometimes things just don’t work out, but you shouldn’t care what people think about your love life either. Hell, people told me I shouldn’t marry Nathan, but I didn’t listen because I trusted in how I felt about him. And if Cooper means something to you, that’s something to be proud of, relish in, enjoy, and share with the people closest to you.”

“Believe me, I know that now. Hell, if I had just been talking to you guys about this in the first place, this entire fiasco could have been avoided.”

“And if I wasn’t so self-centered and hung up on my own problems, I probably wouldn’t have acted like such a bitch,” Amy concedes, which brings the other item we need to discuss to light.

“Yeah, what is going on that’s got you so moody, Amy? I hate seeing you like this,” Liv says as the three of us focus on Amy.

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