Page 20 of Hero for the Holidays

He’d told himself a lot of stories about why his decisions were good. About why they were right.

He’d been angry.

He wasstillangry.

It killed him to think how much that anger might’ve blinded him to what was actually right.

His chest still hurt when he thought of Fia. When he thought of all the pain between them, and he wasn’t ready to let that go.

But Lila didn’t deserve to take the blowback of anything between him and Fia.

“Denver,” he said. “You-all have dinner plans for later?”

“Barbecue,” he said. “Per usual.”

“I’ve got a thing. Would you be able to bring Lila up to the house and drop her back home after?”

“Yeah,” said Denver. “Sure.”

His brother looked easygoing, but he knew there would be questions later. They hadn’t asked about Lila’s mother, but he knew full well his reprieve was coming to an end. No one knew about him and Fia, not for certain. That, combined with the fact Fia had hidden her pregnancy from everyone here, was the only reason no one had jumped to conclusions. He knew that. He would have to tell them.

But there was a hierarchy of people who were going to find out about this.

Lila was going to come first.

After he and Fia hashed everything out. His family would have to come after that. He didn’t know what Fia intended to do with the information. Perhaps she’d already told the Sullivan sisters, which would mean that the McClouds would know, and the Garretts soon after. But he couldn’t imagine it.

No. Not that girl. That girl she’d been. Who had come back in a baggy sweater and no baby in her belly. Her hair in a messy ponytail. Her eyes haunted.

He’d known she was in pain, but his own felt so big. He hadn’t been able to care about hers. He’d seen it and looked right through it.

“Yeah. Well. I’ll talk to you later then. I’ve got some things to do down at the barn.”

“Are you okay, Landry?” Lila asked, frowning.

She favored her mother. It hurt him to think that. He’d been shoving those comparisons aside since the moment he’d first met her and seen that stubborn expression on her face.

He had seen Fia looking back at him in that moment. It was just so...her.

And sometimes he could see whispers of his family. He tried to focus on those times. But a lot of the time, he saw Fia Sullivan, and he felt haunted.

They hadn’t said where they were meeting tonight. But he knew. Because he knew her. No matter how much she tried to pretend he didn’t. He did.

It was a place that was out of the way. A place that was secluded. Where no one could hear you if you were screaming. Way back then, it had been a particular sort of screaming. Sighs of pleasure, the giddy excitement of discovery, first love and first times. He had a feeling there would be a different kind of screaming going on tonight.

Not that they’d never screamed at each other in anger. They had. They were not emotionally literate back in the day.

Hell, he still wasn’t.

His dad...well, his dad had done a number on all of them. And Fia’s mom had been at her throat constantly during her teen years. He could remember Fia running to him, red eyed and angry and taking comfort in his arms. But he could also remember well being the source of her anger.

He’d been a shitty boyfriend. He hadn’t meant to be. But he hadn’t known what to do with his feelings. He still didn’t, to be honest.

His whole family was stunted. They tried. His older brother Denver tried so damned hard. To keep the family together, to make them functional. But they didn’t know how to do feelings, really.

Daughtry was endlessly atoning for the sins of their father with his job as a cop. Justice was just trying to bang his way to oblivion.

He was a locked box. Because you couldn’t exploit the feelings of locked box.

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