Page 22 of Hero for the Holidays

Landry had used that tired language.You didn’t want her. You gave her up.

There was a difference in how some people said that: she gave up a child.

And howshethought it. How shefeltit. She had given up a child she loved. A child she had carried within her. A child she’d given birth to. And when she thought of those words, she felt them as the deep sacrifice they should convey.

She’d heard people talk about other women who’d done it. They made it sound like giving up a child was the same as taking an unwanted set of dishes to Goodwill.

When she thought of it, she imagined an old newsreel she’d seen of a mother handing her child out a window to firefighters. Helping that baby escape the burning building she was still trapped in.

Yes. She’d given her child up.

Just like that.

She’d continued to burn, and she’d found a way to rise from those ashes, but it had taken years.

She had brought that child into the world. She had grown her and sustained her inside of her body. That child had beenwanted. And what she had wanted more than anything was to give that child a life that she and Landry couldn’t give her.

That made her want to run away even now. Except she wasn’t sixteen. She was a woman now. The kind of mother that she could be now was different. The kind of mother that she could be now...

A mother. She was going to be a mother.

But the kid wasn’t two pink lines. She was real and vivid. Thirteen and carrying baggage, and Fia felt unequal to the task all over again.

But she wasn’t burning anymore.

She had a home of her own.

She met his gaze. “Start explaining.”

His eyes flicked away, then back to hers. That blue had been familiar once. Close, hot and intense. It had been years since they’d had a real conversation. Years since they’d been this close.

He was a stranger who could never really be a stranger.

They’d never gotten to excavate their breakup. It had been an explosion after Lila’s birth, and it had all centered around Lila—how could it not?—and they were as ever, unfinished business.

They’d never talked about it, but they’d clearly both decided to simply leave it unfinished.

They had to finish it. After thirteen years, they had to finish it. But it started with Lila.

Just like it ended.

Landry nodded slowly. Those blue eyes didn’t rest on hers. They were focused on the wall behind her. “A couple of years ago I found the adoption agency that you used. I just wanted to have the info in there so that when...ifshe wanted to find me she could. That’s it.” Then he looked at her, his eyes level. “A year ago Jack and Melissa Gates were killed in a car accident. Lila was put into foster care. She doesn’t have any other family. When CPS discovered she’d been adopted as a baby they contacted the agency for details, and the agency gave them my information. I dealt with a caseworker before they ever notified Lila. I had to go through background checks and inspections, the same thing I would have to do to be a foster parent. That’s essentially what I am. Fostering to adopt, but Lila is thirteen, so they wanted to see how she was adjusting before anything was finalized.”

“How long has she been here?”

“Three weeks. She’s been homeschooling.”

She felt like she’d been gut punched. “Three weeks.And you’ve known about her being in care for more than two months. You’ve known thatshe needed us.”

Her baby had needed her.

She hadn’t been there.

It was a nightmare. An echo of the worst, hardest times before and after the adoption.

Those blue eyes looked lost then. And that was a rare sight. At least these days. She’d seen him look like this before, of course. But not in a long time.

“I didn’t know what to do,” he said. “And I felt like... I had to do what was best for her. I had to care more about what she needed than what you wanted.”

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